WHY I'M DIVORCED

You have two choices in life: 

You can stay single and be miserable,

or get married and wish you were dead.

__________ 

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,

"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" 

"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man." 

__________ 

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:

"Husband Wanted". 

Next day she received a hundred letters.

They all said the same thing: 

"You can have mine." 

_______ 

When a woman steals your husband,

there is no better revenge than to let her keep him. 

__________ 

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished 

_________ 

A little boy asked his father, 

"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying." 

__________ 

A young son asked, 

"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa 

a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"

Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son." 

_________   

 Then there was a woman who said, 

"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, 

and by then, it was too late." 

_________   

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. 

__________ 

If you want your spouse to listen and

pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.  

__________ 

Just think, if it weren't for marriage,

men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. 

__________ 

 

First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"

Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."