The European Union commissioners have announced that
agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for
European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British government
conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a
five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of
the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with
joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with
"k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have
one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond
year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f".
This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling
kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters,
which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the
horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they
would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such
as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "
v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be
dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be
aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like
zey vunted in ze forst place....
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