NEW AND IMPORTANT TSA STATISTICS

Year-to-date statistics on airport screening from the Department of Homeland Security:

Terrorist Plots Discovered                               0
Transvestites                                                   133
Hernias                                                          1,485
Hemorrhoid Cases                                       3,172
Enlarged Prostates                                       8,249
Breast Implants                                           59,350
Natural Blondes                                                   3

Penile Implants                                             4,997

Personal Vibrators                                    176,883