DA END IS NEAR

Reverend Leonard was the part-time pastor of the local Cajun Baptist Church and Pastor Jimmy,Leonards son-in law was the minister of the Covenant Church across the road.

Leonard and Jim both are standing by the road, pounding a sign into the ground, that read:

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'Da End is Near Turn Yo Sef 'Roun Now Afore It Be Too Late!'

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As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out his window and yelled, 'You religious nuts!'

From the curve they heard screeching tires, and a big splash...

Leonard turns to Jimmy and asks,

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�'Do ya tink maybe da sign should jussay.....'Bridge Out?'

SUMBITCH

A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentucky. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm.

The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone. They spotted the farmer plowing a field not too far away as if nothing had happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor.

"Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath. "Did you see this terrible accident happen?"

"Yep. Sure did," the farmer mumbled unconcerned, cutting off the tractor's engine.

"Do you realize that is Air Force One, the airplane of the President of the United States?"  

"Yep."

"Were there any survivors?"

"Nope. They's all kilt straight out," the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning."

"President Obama is dead?" the sheriff asked.

"Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor. "He kept a-saying he wasn't... But you know how bad that sumbitch lies...  

TAPPED OUT

Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for Salford station leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking driver said "are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me."

The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly"

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab.  I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."

NAUGHTY CARTOON

DRINKS ARE ON THE HOUSE

POST OFFICE

While hiking down along the border yesterday, I saw a Muslim extremist fall into the Rio Grande River; he was struggling to stay afloat because of all the guns and bombs he was carrying. 

Along with him was a Mexican who was also struggling to stay afloat because of the large backpack of drugs that was strapped to his back. If they didn't get help, they'd surely drown. 

Being a responsible Texan and abiding by the law to help those in distress, I informed the El Paso County Sheriff 's Office and Homeland Security.  It is now 4 pm of the following day, both have drowned, and neither authority has responded.
 

I'm starting to think I wasted two stamps. 

 

GOOD GOD!

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital he was taken to.  A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clip board loaded with several forms, and a pen.  She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.

"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.

He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"

He replied, "No money in the bank."

"Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun.

He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters!  Nuns are married to God."

The patient replied, "Perfect.  Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

I THOUGHT THIS JOKE WAS ABOUT THE TALIBAN AND JEWS....

A fleeing Republican, desperate for water, was plodding through the Maryland desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis, only to find a little old Democrat at a small stand, selling ties... 

The Republican asked, "Do you have water?" 

The Democrat replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5." 

The Republican shouted, "You Idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie.. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!" 

"OK," said the little old Democrat. "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need.  Have a great day."

Cursing, the Republican staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead, and said: 

"You little prick, your brother won't let me in without a tie....."

TAKE A POWDER

A tough old cowboy from Wyoming counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long and prolific life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gun powder on his oatmeal every morning.  The grandson took the advice and follow it religiously until the age of 103.  When he dies, he left 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great grandchildren, 25 great-great grandchildren and a 15 foot hole where the crematorium used to be. 

FURNITURE IN PARIS

Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.

After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine. As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.

Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table; asked him something in French (which Murphy couldn't understand); so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language. After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.

Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.  

 

DONE DEAL?

IN GOD WE TRUST  PLEASE READ  & SHARE

If all of this is true, and it sounds plausible, why would it stop with Obama?  If these demographics and numbers do occur in 2012!  What would change it?                                              

WE MUST WORK VERY, VERY HARD BEFORE 2012 ELECTION IF THERE IS TO BE A CHANCE IN HELL TO BEAT OBAMA!!!!!!!!!!

SCARRRRRY,  be sure to read  the obituary at the end, very  interesting

 

  

 DR. WILLIAMS predicts that Obama can not  lose the 2012 election.    IN  ADDITION TO THE VOTING BLOCKS HE MENTIONS, THERE IS ANOTHER HUGE  GROUP:  THE NEARLY ONE-HALF OF ALL ADULTS DO NOT PAY ANY TAXES  AND, IN FACT, MOST OF THEM RECEIVE MONEY FROM THE GOVERNMENT. THESE  PEOPLE DO NOT WANT TO "SHAKE THE BOAT" TO DO ANYTHING TO STOP  THE FLOW OF TAXPAYER MONEY TO THEMSELVES. 
 

 Dr. Williams  prediction:  Maybe you have read some newspaper articles  written by Dr. Williams a conservative economist who happens to be  Black. He has taught at several Universities and is currently  teaching at George Mason University .

 

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  No Matter  What

 By Dr. Walter  Williams

Can President Obama be defeated in 2012?  No.  He  can't.  I am going on record as saying that President Barak Obama will win a second term.

The media won't tell you this because a good election campaign means hundreds of  millions (or in Obama's case billions) of dollars to them in  advertising.

But the truth is, there simply are no conditions under which Barak Obama can be defeated in 2012.

The quality of the Republican candidate doesn't matter.   Obama gets reelected.  Nine percent unemployment?   No problem.  Obama will win.  Gas  prices moving toward five  dollars a gallon?  He still wins.  The economy soars  or goes into the gutter.  Obama wins.  War in the  Middle East ?  He wins a second term.

 America's role as the  leading Superpower disappears?  Hurrah for Barak  Obama!  The U.S. government rushes toward bankruptcy, the  dollar continues to sink on world markets and  the price of daily goods and services soars due to inflation  fueled by Obama's extraordinary deficit spending?  Obama  wins handily.

You are  crazy Williams.  Don't you understand how volatile  politics can be when overall economic, government, and world  conditions are declining?  Sure I do.

And that's why I know  Obama will win.  The American people are notoriously ignorant of economics.  And economics is the key to why  Obama should be defeated.

Even when Obama's policies lead the nation to final ruin, the majority of the  American people are going to believe the bait-and-switch  tactics Obama and his supporters in the media will use  to explain why it isn't his fault.  After all, things were much worse than understood when he took office.

 Obama's reelection is  really a very, very simple math problem.  Consider the  following:

 1) Blacks will vote  for Obama blindly.  Period.  Doesn't matter what he  does.  It's a race thing.  He's one of  us,
     
  2)  College educated women will vote for Obama.  Though they will be offended by this, they swoon at his oratory.   It's really not more complex than  that,
 
  3)  Liberals will vote for Obama.  He is their great  hope,
 
  4)  Democrats will vote for Obama.  He is the leader of their  party and his coat tails will carry them to victory nationwide,
 
  5)  Hispanics will vote for Obama.  He is the path to  citizenship for those who are illegal and Hispanic leaders recognize the political clout they carry in the Democratic  Party,
 
  6) Union  members will vote overwhelmingly for Obama.  He is their  key to money and power in business, state and local  politics,
 
  7) Big Business will support Obama.  They already have.  He has almost $1 Billion dollars in his reelection purse gained  largely from his connections with Big Business and  is gaining more everyday.  Big Business loves Obama  because he gives them access to taxpayer money so long as they support his social and political  agenda,
 
  8) The media love him.  They may attack the people who work for  him, but they love him.  After all, to not love him would be racist,
 
  9) Most  other minorities and special interest groups will vote for  him.  Oddly, the overwhelming majority of Jews and  Muslims will support him because they won't vote Republican.  American Indians will  support him.  Obviously homosexuals tend to vote Democratic.  And lastly,

 10) Approximately half  of independents will vote for Obama.  And he doesn't need  anywhere near that number because he has all of the groups previously mentioned.  The President will win an  overwhelming victory in 2012. 

  --  Dr.  Walter  Williams

              

Obituary-Very  Interesting!

  
 

 Born 1776, Died 2008  

 It doesn't hurt to read this several times.
 

Professor Joseph Olson of Hamline University School of Law in St. Paul , Minnesota , points out some interesting facts concerning the last  Presidential election:
 

• Number of States won by: Obama:19 McCain:  29  
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• Square miles of land won by: Obama:580,000 McCain:  2,427,000  
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• Population of counties won by: Obama:127 million McCain: 143  million  
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• Murder rate per 100,000 residents in counties won by: Obama: 13.2  McCain: 2.1

Professor Olson adds: "In aggregate, the map of the territory McCain won was mostly the land owned  by the taxpaying citizens of the  country.

Obama territory mostly encompassed  those citizens living in low income tenements and living off various forms of government  welfare..."

Olson believes the  United States is now somewhere between the "complacency and apathy" phase of  Professor Tyler's definition of democracy, with some forty percent of the nation's population already having reached the "governmental dependency" phase.  

If Congress grants amnesty and citizenship to twenty million criminal invaders called illegal's - and they vote - then we can say  goodbye to the  USA in fewer than five years. 

If you are in favor of this, then by all means,  delete this message.

If you are not, then pass this along to help everyone realize just how much is at stake, knowing that apathy is the greatest danger to our freedom.  

A BOY ASKS HIS DAD

A young Arab asks his father, "What is that weird hat you are wearing?"
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The father said, "Why, it's a 'chechia' because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun."
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"And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?" asked the young man.
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"It's a 'djbellah' because in the desert it is very hot and it protects the body." said the father.
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The son asked, "And what about those ugly shoes on your feet?
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His father replied, "These are 'babouches", which keep us from burning our feet in the desert."
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"So tell me then," added the boy.
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"Yes, my son?"
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"Why are you living in Michigan and still wearing that shit!!!"