BECAUSE I'M A MAN

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will
fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.

Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.
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Because I'm a man , when the car isn't running very well,

I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what

I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say

to the other, 'I used to be able to fix these things, but now

with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know

where to start.' We will then drink a couple of beers and

break wind, as a form of holy communion.
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Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone

to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and

moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so

for you, this is no problem.
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Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic

groceries at the store, like beer, milk or bread. I cannot be

expected to find exotic items like 'cumin' or 'tofu.' For all I

know, these are the same thing.
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Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops

working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that

this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person

gets here and has to put it back together.
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Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote

control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been

misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.....though

one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.....

( applies to engineers mainly).
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Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm

thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars,

sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when

you ask, so don't ask.
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Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or

have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she

calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever

you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it.

And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
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Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the

movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't

...and if you are feeling amorous afterwards....then I will

certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
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Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I

thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,

too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it,

looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
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Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2008, I

will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry,

the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes,

and I'll do the rest...... Like wandering around in the garden

with a beer wondering what to do.

This has been a public service message for women to

better understand men