ONE LINERS

1. I couldn't care less, but I'm working on it.
2. Is there a national do not call list for friends and family yet?
3. I'd like to give you a nice going away present. But first, you have to do your part.
4. Making $ is easy. Press shift+4.
5. At the Pentagon, there are five sides to every story.
6. I don't make snowmen. If I wanted a cold man with slush for brains, I'd still be married.
7. I don't take drugs - I'm not even an athlete.
8. The Doctor to the Patient.. "I'm stumped. I guess we're just going to have to wait for the autopsy results."
9. I hate sharing a name with someone famous because I'm always telling people, no, I'm not THAT Batman.
10. I was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before
11. It's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.
12. The odds are a million to one against my being one in a million.
13. Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
14. The screen says press any key to continue. But I can't find the 'any' key.
15. When rabbits get divorced, it's called splitting hares. 

Oh well, it's better than listening to Pelosi...

NOW, THAT'S COLD!

I just got off the phone with a friend in Utah.  He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling.  The temperature is dropping below zero and the north wind is increasing.

His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window.

He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in...

TSA STATS

December 2010 statistics on Airport screening from the Department of Homeland Security:

Terrorist Plots Discovered 0
Terrorists Arrested 0
Transvestites 133
Hernias 1,485
Hemorrhoid Cases 3,172
Enlarged Prostates 8,249
Breast Implants 59,350
Natural Blondes 3

WHO THE REAL CROOKS ARE?

Perhaps this explanation is a bit simplistic but... Why did Bernie Madoff go to prison? To make it simple, he talked people into investing with him. Trouble was, he didn't invest their money. As time rolled on he simply took the money from the new investors to pay off the old investors. Finally there were too many old investors and not enough money from new investors coming in to keep the payments going. Next thing you know Madoff is one of the most hated men in America and he is off to jail. Some of you know this, but not enough of you. Madoff did to his investors what the government has been doing to us for over 70 years with Social Security. There is no meaningful difference between the two schemes, except that one was operated by a private individual who is now in jail, and the other is operated by politicians who enjoy perks, privileges and status in spite of their actions. Do you need a side-by-side comparison here? Well here's a nifty little chart.

BERNIE MADOFF SOCIAL SECURITY

Takes money from investors with the promise that the money will be invested and made available to them later.
Takes money from wage earners with the promise that the money will be invested in a "Trust Fund" and made available later. 

Instead of investing the money Madoff spends it on nice homes in the Hamptons and yachts.
Instead of depositing money in a Trust Fund the politicians use it for general spending and vote buying. 

When the time comes to pay the investors back Madoff simply uses some of the new funds from newer investors to pay back the older investors.
When benefits for older investors become due the politicians pay them with money taken from younger and newer wage earners to pay the geezers. 

When Madoff's scheme is discovered all hell breaks loose. New investors won't give him any more cash.
When Social Security runs out of money they simply force the taxpayers to send them some more.

Bernie Madoff is in jail. 

Politicians remain in Washington. 

'The taxpayer: That's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination. ' - Ronald Reagan

"If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert , in five years there'd be a shortage of sand." Milton Friedman

PASS THIS ON !

CUSTOMER SERVICE?

We all need to consider doing the following when we are talking on the phone to any US customer service representative that is based in a foreign country (like India )!

Any time you call an 800 number (for a credit card, banking, charter communications, health insurance, insurance, computer assistance, you name it) and you are transferred to a representative (like in India ), please consider doing the following:

After you connect and you realize that the customer service representative is not from the USA (you can always ask if you are not sure about the accent), please very politely (very politely - this is not about trashing other cultures) say, "I'd like to speak to a customer service representative in the United States of America ." The rep might suggest talking to his/her manager, but, again, politely say, "Thank you, but I'd like to speak to a customer service representative in the USA ..."

YOU WILL BE IMMEDIATELY CONNECTED to a rep in the USA . It only takes less than one minute to have your call re-directed to the USA.

Tonight when I got redirected to a USA rep, I asked again to make sure - and yes, she was from Fort Lauderdale.

Imagine if tomorrow, every US citizen who has to make such a call and then requests a US rep, imagine how that would ultimately impact the number of US jobs that would need to be created ASAP. Imagine what would happen if every US citizen insisted on talking to only US phone reps from this day on.

If I tell 10 people to consider this and you tell 10 people to consider doing this - see what I mean...it becomes an exercise in viral marketing 101. Remember - the goal here is to restore jobs back here at home - not to be abrupt or rude to a foreign phone rep. If you agree, please tell 10 people you know and tell them to tell 10 people they know....etc...etc.

FINANCIAL CALAMITY LOOMS

http://www.prophecynewswatch.com/2010/December20/2011.html

CIRCLES OF LIFE