GIDDYUP!

Cowboy  rules for:

Arizona,  Texas, Oklahoma,  Colorado,  New Mexico, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Nebraska, Idaho, and the rest of the Wild  West are as follows:  

1.  Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.  

2.  Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.  

3.  Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck  because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your  Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.  

4.  They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to  us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 &  I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.  

5. So  you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are  driven only 3 weeks a year.  

6.  Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to  understand the concept.  

7. If  that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin'  in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't  have it up to your ear at the time.  

8.  Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar?  It's available at the corner bait shop.  

9.  The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday  held the closest Saturday to the first of November.  

10.  We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of  age.  

11.  No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order  the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.  

12.  When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and  breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't  care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL  CHILI!!  

13.  You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.  You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot,  drive a truck, and have long hair.  

14.  College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the  Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to  watch.  

15.  Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the  fish.  

16.  Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain't music, anyway. We  don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to  #1!  

A  true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others and a few new friends that  probably won't get it, but we're friendly so we share in hopes you can begin  to understand what a real life is all about!!