On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him.
St. Peter says, “I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,” and he leaves.
The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple is still waiting. As they waited, they discussed that if they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all. “What if it doesn't work?” they wondered, “Are we stuck together forever?”
After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. “Yes,” he informs the couple tersely, “you can get married in Heaven.”
“Great!” said the couple, “But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?”
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.
“What's wrong?” asked the frightened couple.
“OH, COME ON!”, St. Peter shouts, “It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?”
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Saturday, May 9, 2009
INSTEAD OF GOVERNMENT TAKING OVER BUSINESS...
This may boggle your mind . . HOW BIG IS WAL-MART?
1. Americans spend $36,000,000 at Wal-Mart every hour of every day. Worldwide Sales for FY ended 2008 were $347.5 Billion!
2. This works out to $20,928 profit every minute!
3. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick's Day
(March 17th) more than Target sells all year.
4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target + Sears + Costco + K-Mart combined.
5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people and is the largest private employer. And most can't speak English. Figures!
6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the World ..
7. Wal-Mart now sell more food than Kroger & Safeway combined, and keep in mind they did this in only 15 years.
8. During this same period, 31 Supermarket chains sought bankruptcy (including Winn-Dixie).
9. Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world.
10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are SuperCenters; this is 1,000 more than it had 5 years ago.
11. This year 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur at a Wal-Mart store. (Earth's
population is approximately 6.5 billion.) 12. 90% of all
Americans live within 15 miles of a Wal-Mart. Let Wal-Mart bail out Wall Street. Better yet . . . let them run the Government!
1. Americans spend $36,000,000 at Wal-Mart every hour of every day. Worldwide Sales for FY ended 2008 were $347.5 Billion!
2. This works out to $20,928 profit every minute!
3. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick's Day
(March 17th) more than Target sells all year.
4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target + Sears + Costco + K-Mart combined.
5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people and is the largest private employer. And most can't speak English. Figures!
6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the World ..
7. Wal-Mart now sell more food than Kroger & Safeway combined, and keep in mind they did this in only 15 years.
8. During this same period, 31 Supermarket chains sought bankruptcy (including Winn-Dixie).
9. Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world.
10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are SuperCenters; this is 1,000 more than it had 5 years ago.
11. This year 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur at a Wal-Mart store. (Earth's
population is approximately 6.5 billion.) 12. 90% of all
Americans live within 15 miles of a Wal-Mart. Let Wal-Mart bail out Wall Street. Better yet . . . let them run the Government!
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
IS "CHANGE" GOOD FOR AMERICA?
From California...
If the legislation being proposed in the House called Hate Crimes Legislation passes we can now rightfully accept the demise of democracy. In just over 100 days we have morphed into Fascism. Over 200 years in the making crumpled in a matter of days. Even Hitler took sometime to convert the country.
If the legislation being proposed in the House called Hate Crimes Legislation passes we can now rightfully accept the demise of democracy. In just over 100 days we have morphed into Fascism. Over 200 years in the making crumpled in a matter of days. Even Hitler took sometime to convert the country.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Saturday, May 2, 2009
FLOWER CHILD
Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.
The thin one leaned over and Said, 'Life is so boring. We never have any fun any more. For $10 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show!'
'You're on!' said the other old lady, holding up a $10 note. The first little old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the flower show.
Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause and shrill whistling. The smiling and naked Old lady came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering crowd.
'What happened?' asked her waiting friend.
'I won 1st prize as Best Dried Arrangement. '
The thin one leaned over and Said, 'Life is so boring. We never have any fun any more. For $10 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show!'
'You're on!' said the other old lady, holding up a $10 note. The first little old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the flower show.
Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause and shrill whistling. The smiling and naked Old lady came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering crowd.
'What happened?' asked her waiting friend.
'I won 1st prize as Best Dried Arrangement. '
Friday, May 1, 2009
A PEG TO HANG YOUR GOLF CAP ON?
An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for the little blue Viagra pill.
The pharmacist asked him, "How many?"
The man replied, "Just a few, maybe half a dozen. I cut each one into four pieces."
The pharmacist replied, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through intimacy."
The old fellow said, "Oh, I'm past eighty years old, and I don't even think about intimacy anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so that I don't pee on my new golf shoes."
The pharmacist asked him, "How many?"
The man replied, "Just a few, maybe half a dozen. I cut each one into four pieces."
The pharmacist replied, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through intimacy."
The old fellow said, "Oh, I'm past eighty years old, and I don't even think about intimacy anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so that I don't pee on my new golf shoes."
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