Monday, September 16, 2013

DOWN SOUTH



Born in the South
Southerners know their summer weather report:
Humidity
Humidity
Humidity

Southerners know their vacation spots :
The beach
The rivuh
The crick

Southerners know everybody's first name:
Honey
Darlin'
Shugah

Southerners know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind

Southerners know their religions :
Bapdiss
Methdiss
Football

Southerners know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Chawl'stn
S'vanah
Foat Wuth
N'awlins
Addlanna

Southerners know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler

Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption
fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas,
beans, etc., make up "a mess."

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of
"yonder."

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to
town, be back directly."

Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the
white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the
term, but they know the concept well.

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a
neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a
right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, and when we're "in
line," we talk to everybody!

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're
related, even if only by marriage.

In the South, y'all is singular, and all y'all is plural.

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

When someone "messes" up, only "Bless His (Her) Heart" is the right prayer.

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