TEACHER'S LAMENT

After being interviewed by the school administration, the prospective
teacher said: 'Let me see if I've got this right:

'You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their
disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress
habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for
learning.

'You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and
sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and
personal pride.

'You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship
and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and
apply for a job.

'You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial
behavior, and make sure that they all pass the final exams.

You also want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of
their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents in English,
Spanish or any other language, by letter, telephone, newsletter, and
report card.

'You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a
bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that
qualifies me for food stamps.

'You want me to do all this and then you tell me. . . I CAN'T PRAY!