NO POST THIS WEEK

Try to have a Happy Thanksgiving.

OVER AND OVER AGAIN, Not A Sing-A-Long?

Einstein once said 'The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.'*

It is surely the mentally challenged who habitually reelect a dumb-shit, do nothing Congress and expect different results.

MORE GOVERNMENTAL BRILLIANCE IN ACTION?

Do you have any memory of the reason given for the establishment of the Department of Energy during the Carter Administration? Anybody? Anything? No? Didn't think so. Bottom line . . . . We've spent several hundred billion dollars in support of an agency the reason for which not one person who reads this can remember.

Ready? It was very simple, and at the time everybody thought it very appropriate.

The Department of Energy was instituted August 4, 1977 to LESSEN OUR DEPENDENCE ON FOREIGN OIL.

Now, it’s 2008, 31 years later, and the budget for the Department of Energy is $24.2 BILLION a year, they have 16,000 Federal employees plus approximately 100,000 contract employees and look at the job they’ve done!

THIS IS WHERE YOU SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD AND SAY 'WHAT WAS I THINKING?'

Ah yes, good old bureaucracy. Now we are going to turn the banking system, the housing industry and the automobile industry over to them?

2,063 YEARS LATER---

'The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance.'

Cicero , 55 BC

A STORY OF DETERMINED INSPIRATION?

Recently I was asked to play in a golf charity tournament. At first I said, 'Naaahhh!' Then they said to me 'Come on, it's for handicapped and blind Kids.'

Then I thought...Shit - I could win this!

DEAR DEER

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates and begged their dad for the clue.

Smiling broadly and arching one eyebrow, he said, 'It's what mommy calls me sometimes.'

The little girl screams to her brother: 'Don't eat it, it's an asshole...'

OVERDRAWN?

Dear Sirs,

In view of current developments in the banking
market, if one of my checks is returned marked
'insufficient funds', does that refer to me or to
you?

Sincerely Yours,

Confused American

HEAVENLY VOICES

Two Ladies Talking in Heaven

1st woman: Hi, my name is Vanessa.

2nd woman: Hi, I'm Nicole. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds . I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive!

WHEN WILL AMERICANS TAKE BACK THEIR COUNTRY?

Furthermore, I resent all to hell the $700B "loan" (giveaway) and the millions of dollars requested to bail out the auto industries. They knew decades ago that they could NOT compete with or comply with the demands that the consumers lobbied for. They have had the ability to provide much better, non-oil using automobiles for years...my brother in law had a carburetor that would convert natural gas and water for powering all American autos...ALL autos for that matter. However, in steps GM and buys the carburetor from him and shelves it...never did use it. All Ralph got out of it was enough to pay for the equipment and the manpower to pay for the research and production.

There are so many evils that MUST be addressed and eradicated and only WE, the American people, the HONEST American People, must seek out and eradicate THEM before they do unto us! Want to join me in this endeavour? Then let's shut up and get going...one person at a time..soon becomes a crowd...soon becomes a majority...no lobbying, just refusal to put up with the bullshit we've been fed and forced to swallow. NO MORE! We owe our forebearers and those that effort and more than that, WE HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THINGS CUZ SURE AS SHIT NOBODY ELSE WILL!

Just sign on the dotted line and pass this on...let's see how far this can go...double dare you!

$700 billion? See how quickly we forget. First, there was $85 billion, remember? THEN, the $700 billion and then, barely mentioned, another $35 billion. See what they have done to us? It's ony $700 billion, and even THEY believe it!. That totals $920 billion, the way I count. NOW, they're talking $300 to $500 billlion more and they haven't finished doling out the $700 billion yet. What in the hell makes them think America is going to start buying cars again if AMERICANS aren't getting jobs, income, tax incentives to spend and if all of their retirement income is gone? And why American cars? You get better value for the dollar with Japanese cars.

You think we should start a movement to eradicate those thinkers before they eradicate us? Those thinkers make up Congress. Everyone is ticked off at Congress over the $700 billion but, even before, Congress only had a 12% approval rating? How many of those guys did this country vote out? Unless the seat was open anyway, how many seats did we change? Two? Unless we had election fraud on a massive scale, it is obvious that this country WANTS a Congress that only has a 12% approval rating!

Now, how do you cure that?

The pen, they say, is mightier than the sword. But, words must be published before they can be read. The print and broadcast media in this country have conspired to keep the words penned by those who care from being published.

Doesn't all of this just scare the crap out of you? Americans in a grass roots effort to take back their country? Forget it; they're too busy watching Letterman.

FLY ME TO THE MOON?

During a commercial airline flight a Air Force Pilot was seated next to a
young mother with a baby in arms.

When her baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother
began nursing her infant as discreetly as possible.

The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly
offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related
articles. When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot
responded, 'Gosh, that's a good looking baby...and he sure was hungry!'

Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said
breast feeding would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears.

The Air Force Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot
fashion exclaimed .... 'And all these years I've been chewing gum!!

OLD SEA DOGS MOVE TO WASHINGTON?

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There's an old sea story in the Marine Corps about a lieutenant who inspected his Marines in the field, and afterward told the 'Gunny' that the men smelled bad.

The lieutenant suggested the solution is that they should change underwear.

The Gunny responded, 'Aye, aye, sir, I'll see to it immediately!'

The Gunny went straight to the squad tent and announced, 'The lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad, and wants you to change your underwear.

Smith, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowsky, and Brown, you change with Schultz. Now get to it!'


THE MORAL:

A candidate may promise 'change' in Washington , but don't count on things smelling any better.

MAKING THE GRADE

A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

'Mommy,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'

'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied.

'It's not polite'

'OK', the little girl says, 'How much do you weigh?'

'Now really,' the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'

Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'

'That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!'

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

'My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.

'Well,' says the friend, 'all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it.'

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are, you are 32.'

The mother is surprised and asks, 'How did you find that out?

'I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.'

The mother is past surprised and shocked now. 'How in heaven's name did you find that out?'

'And,' the little girl says triumphantly,'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'

'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'

'Because you got an F in sex.

READY FOR THE HOLIDAYS?

Due to increasing age, cost, forgetfulness; and my decreasing ability to send cards on time, here is my card to cover every holiday... Happy Friggin' Everything!

COWBOYS

On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to her class
>that she is a Redskins fan.
>
>She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Redskins
>fans.
>
>Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their
>hand except one little girl.
>
>The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you
>raise your hand?' 'Because I'm not a Redskins fan,' she replied.
>
>The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Redskins fan,
>then who are you a fan of?'
>
>'I am an Eagles fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied.
>
>The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie, please tell me why you
>are you an Eagles fan?'
>
>'Because my mom is an Eagles fan, and my dad is an Eagles fan, so I'm an
>Eagles fan too!'
>
>'Well,' said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason
>for you to be a Eagles fan.
>You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if
>your mom were an idiot and your dad were a moron, what would you be
>then?'
>
>'Then,' Janie smiled, 'I'd be a Cowboys fan.'
>
>
> ------------------------------ -----------------------
>
>
>Four football fans - a Giants fan, a Redskins fan, an Eagles fan, and a
>Cowboys fan - are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his
>team more.
>
>The Giants fan insists he is the most loyal. 'This is for the Giants!'
>he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.
>
>Not to be outdone, the Redskins fan shouts, 'This is for the Skins!' and
>throws himself off the mountain.
>
>The Eagles fan is next to profess his love for his team.
>
>He yells, 'This is for everyone!' and pushes the Cowboys fan off the
>mountain.
>
>
> ----------------------------- ------------------------------
>----------
>
>
>An Eagles fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Cowboys fan he saw
>strutting down the street with an obnoxious blue and white starred
>shirt. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just
>missing them.
>
>One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a
>good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, 'Where are you going,
>Father?'
>
>'I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the
>road,' replied the priest.
>
>'Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!' The priest climbed into the
>passenger seat, and they continued down the road.
>
>Suddenly, the driver saw a Cowboys fan walking down the road, and he
>instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back
>onto the road just in time.
>
>Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a
>loud THUD. Not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his
>mirrors but still didn't see anything.
>
>He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and
> said, sorry Father, I almost hit that Cowboys fan.'
>
>'That's OK,' replied the priest 'I got him with the door.'

HE'S AN ASS!

There is a new study just released by the Canadian Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their asses. The results are pretty shocking:

1. Only 5% of women surveyed feel their ass is too big.

2. 10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too small.

3. The remaining 85% say they don't care; they love him; he's a good man and they would have married him anyway.

MISPLACED MORALITIES?

Did you know that tampering with a sea turtle's egg bead will get you thrown in prison? If that 's seams crazy, did you know that over 32,000 developing human embryos are legally destroyed every day?