WHEN A MAN CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE

Maybe John Boehner can do this to Nancy Pelosi? 

ONLY FOUR TICKETS LEFT!

I have four extra tickets for the Robbie Knievel (son of Evil Knievel) event at the Ford Center next weekend in Glendale, AZ., if anybody wants them!

Robbie is going to try to jump over 1,000 Obama supporters with a Caterpillar D-9 bulldozer.  Should be a good time!

SARAH PALIN'S NEW LIMO

DON'T ASK

"Don't Ask, Don't Tell"

It looks like the Officers don’t believe in it though.

The Look on the Cop's Face is Priceless

HOWDY THERE, COWBOY

The Texas DPS are cracking down on speeders heading into Dallas.  For the first offense, they give you 2 Dallas Cowboy tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.

Q. What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A. The Dallas Cowboys

Q.What do the Dallas Cowboys and Billy Graham have in common?
A.They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ!"

Q.How do you keep a Dallas Cowboy out of your yard?
A.Put up a goal post.


Q.What do you call a Dallas Cowboy with a Super Bowl ring?
A.Old

Q.What's the difference between the Dallas Cowboys and a dollar bill?
A.You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.


Q. How many Dallas Cowboys does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A. Nobody remembers.


Q. What do the Cowboys and a possums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road! 

OH, DEERE

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob’s hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old green John Deere.  

Buttocks clenched, Billy Bob performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt. Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.  

Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, “What the heck are you doing, Billy Bob?”

“Jeez, Cletus, ya scared the bejeezers out of me,” says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob. “But me’n the Ol' Lady been havin trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do 'something sexy to a tractor'.”

[Don't make me explain this to you! ---Read the last line again, slowly.] - HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

2010'S FIRST CHRISTMAS JOKE

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly Gates.

'In honor of this holy season Saint Peter said, You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'

The man replied, 'These are Carols.'

And So The Holiday Season Begins......