FISCAL CLIFF AND DEBT CIELING EXPLAINED

Here is a great Plain English explanation of the Fiscal Cliff problem.

Lesson # 1:
* U.S. Tax revenue:         $  2,170,000,000,000
* Fed budget:                 $  3,820,000,000,000
* New debt:                    $  1,650,000,000,000
* National debt:              $14,271,000,000,000
* Recent budget cuts:     $       38,500,000,000

Let's now remove 8 zeros and pretend it's a household budget:
* Annual family income:                        $21,700.00
* Money the family spent:                     $38,200.00
* New debt on the credit card:               $16,500.00
* Balance owing on the credit card:      $142,710.00
* Total budget cuts so far:                              $3.85

Got It ?

Lesson # 2:

Here's another way to look at the Debt Ceiling: Let's say, You come home from work and find there has been a sewer backup in your neighborhood and your home has sewage all the way up to your ceilings. What do you think you should do - raise the ceiling, or remove the crap?

IT'S ALL ABOUT CHOICES

A Baptist minister was seated next to a Newfie on a flight to St. John's .

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.

The Newfie asked for Rum & Coke, which was brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust.....

"I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The Newfie then handed his drink back to the attendant and said,

"Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."

CIRCLE JERK

A Reading from Genesis

And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth.

Then he made the earth round.

And he laughed and laughed and laughed...

NEXT WEEK

A Methodist preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."

With that, Tyrone got in line. When it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Tyrone, what do you want me to pray about for you?" 

Tyrone replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The preacher put one finger of one hand in Tyrone's ear, placed his other hand on top of Tyrone's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Tyrone, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm. 

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Tyrone, how is your hearing now?" 

Tyrone answered, "I don't know, Man. It ain't 'til next week." 

DRIVING SOMEONE CRAZY

Siamese twins walk into a bar in Toronto and park
themselves on a bar stool.

One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; as you
can see, we're joined side by side at the hip. I’m John, he's
Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers, draft please."

The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make
polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on holiday
yet, boys"?
"Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England
every year, rent a car and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim?" Jim
agrees.

"Ah, England !" says the bartender. "Wonderful country...
the history, the beer, the culture..."

"Nah, we don't like that British crap," says John.
"Hamburgers and Molson's beer, that's us, eh Jim? And we can't
stand the English - they're so arrogant and rude."

"So why keep going to England ?" asks the bartender.

"It's the only chance Jim gets to drive."