Let me get this straight.
Obama's health care plan will be written by a committee whose head says he doesn't understand it, passed by a Congress that hasn't read it and whose members will be exempt from it, signed by a president who smokes, funded by a treasury chief who did not pay his taxes, overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and financed by a country that is broke.
What could possibly go wrong?
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
EXACTLY HOW THE POLITICIANS MAKE MONEY, TOO!
'Holy Prostitutes'
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES
He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought....
Soon he sees another sign which reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES
Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you my son?'
He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business.....'
'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, 'Please knock on this door.'
He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door... This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway.'
He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him.
The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:
GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER
Saturday, August 29, 2009
LEMON PICKER
Job open for a Lemon Picker
A woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job.
The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this"; "Have you ever had any actual experience in picking lemons?"
"Well, as a matter of fact, I have!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times and I voted for Obama."
A woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job.
The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this"; "Have you ever had any actual experience in picking lemons?"
"Well, as a matter of fact, I have!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times and I voted for Obama."
Friday, August 28, 2009
2010: TAXPAYER'S REVENGE?
2010 is an election year for 1/3 of the senate and all of the house of representatives.
It would be nice if congress got the message; the voting taxpayers are in charge now.
Social Security 2009 - LET US SHOW OUR LEADERS IN WASHINGTON "PEOPLE POWER" AND THE POWER OF THE INTERNET. PLEASE FORWARD TO ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU ARE REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT!
LET'S START A MOVEMENT TO PLACE ALL POLITICIANS ON SOCIAL SECURITY
Perhaps we are asking the wrong questions during election years.
Our Senators and Congresswomen do not pay into Social Security and, of course, they do not collect from it.
You see, Social Security benefits were not suitable for persons of their rare elevation in society. They felt they should have a special plan for themselves So, many years ago they voted in their own benefit plan.
In more recent years, no congress person has felt the need to change it. After all, it is a great plan. For all practical purposes their plan works like this: When they retire, they continue to draw the same pay until they die, Except it may increase from time to time for cost of living adjustments. .....
For example, Senator Byrd and Congressman White and their wives may expect to draw $7,800,000, (that's Seven Million, Eight-Hundred Thousand Dollars), with their wives drawing $275,000 during the last years of their lives. This is calculated on an average life span for each of those Dignitaries.
Younger dignitaries who retire at an early age, will receive much more during the rest of their lives. Their cost for this excellent plan to them is $0.00 NADA!!! ZILCH!!! This little perk they voted for themselves is free to them. You and I pick up the tab for this plan. The funds for this fine retirement plan come directly from the General Funds.
"OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK!"
From our own Social Security Plan, which you and I pay (or have paid) into, every payday until we retire, (which amount is matched by our employer), We can expect to get an average of $1,000 per month after retirement.
Or, in other words, we would have to collect our average of $1,000 monthly benefits for 68 years and one (1) month to equal Senator Bill Bradley's benefits!
Social Security could be very good if only one small change were made.
That change would be to: Jerk the Golden Fleece Retirement Plan from under the Senators and Congressmen. Put them into the Social Security plan with the rest of us
Then sit back..... And see how fast they would fix it!
It would be nice if congress got the message; the voting taxpayers are in charge now.
Social Security 2009 - LET US SHOW OUR LEADERS IN WASHINGTON "PEOPLE POWER" AND THE POWER OF THE INTERNET. PLEASE FORWARD TO ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU ARE REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT!
LET'S START A MOVEMENT TO PLACE ALL POLITICIANS ON SOCIAL SECURITY
Perhaps we are asking the wrong questions during election years.
Our Senators and Congresswomen do not pay into Social Security and, of course, they do not collect from it.
You see, Social Security benefits were not suitable for persons of their rare elevation in society. They felt they should have a special plan for themselves So, many years ago they voted in their own benefit plan.
In more recent years, no congress person has felt the need to change it. After all, it is a great plan. For all practical purposes their plan works like this: When they retire, they continue to draw the same pay until they die, Except it may increase from time to time for cost of living adjustments. .....
For example, Senator Byrd and Congressman White and their wives may expect to draw $7,800,000, (that's Seven Million, Eight-Hundred Thousand Dollars), with their wives drawing $275,000 during the last years of their lives. This is calculated on an average life span for each of those Dignitaries.
Younger dignitaries who retire at an early age, will receive much more during the rest of their lives. Their cost for this excellent plan to them is $0.00 NADA!!! ZILCH!!! This little perk they voted for themselves is free to them. You and I pick up the tab for this plan. The funds for this fine retirement plan come directly from the General Funds.
"OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK!"
From our own Social Security Plan, which you and I pay (or have paid) into, every payday until we retire, (which amount is matched by our employer), We can expect to get an average of $1,000 per month after retirement.
Or, in other words, we would have to collect our average of $1,000 monthly benefits for 68 years and one (1) month to equal Senator Bill Bradley's benefits!
Social Security could be very good if only one small change were made.
That change would be to: Jerk the Golden Fleece Retirement Plan from under the Senators and Congressmen. Put them into the Social Security plan with the rest of us
Then sit back..... And see how fast they would fix it!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
545 vs 300,000,000
EVERY CITIZEN NEEDS TO READ THIS AND THINK ABOUT WHAT THIS JOURNALIST HAS SCRIPTED IN THIS MESSAGE. READ IT AND THEN REALLY THINK ABOUT OUR CURRENT POLITICAL DEBACLE.
Charley Reese has been a journalist for 49 years.
Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them..
Have you ever wondered, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits, WHY do we have deficits?
Have you ever wondered, if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, WHY do we have inflation and high taxes?
You and I don't propose a federal budget. The president does.
You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations. The House of Representatives does.
You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does.
You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does.
You and I don't control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does.
One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one president, and nine Supreme Court justices equates to 545 human beings out of the 300 million are directly, legally, morally, and individually responsible for the domestic problems that plague this country. I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress. In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered, but private, central bank.
I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason.. They have no legal authority. They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a president to do one cotton-picking thing. I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash. The politician has the power to accept or reject it. No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator's responsibility to determine how he votes.
Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not their fault. They cooperate in this common con regardless of party. What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall. No normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for creating deficits.. The president can only propose a budget. He cannot force the Congress to accept it.
The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes. Who is the speaker of the House? Nancy Pelosi. She is the leader of the majority party. She and fellow House members, not the president, can approve any budget they want. If the president vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they agree to.
It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million can not replace 545 people who stand convicted -- by present facts -- of incompetence and irresponsibility. I can't think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people. When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist.
If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it unfair.
If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red ..
If the Army & Marines are in IRAQ , it's because they want them in IRAQ
If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it's because they want it that way.
There are no insoluble government problems.
Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power. Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like "the economy," "inflation," or "politics" that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do.
Those 545 people, and they alone, are responsible.
They, and they alone, have the power.
They, and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses.
Provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees... We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess!
What you do with this article now that you have read it.......... Is up to you.
Charley Reese has been a journalist for 49 years.
Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them..
Have you ever wondered, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits, WHY do we have deficits?
Have you ever wondered, if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, WHY do we have inflation and high taxes?
You and I don't propose a federal budget. The president does.
You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations. The House of Representatives does.
You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does.
You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does.
You and I don't control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does.
One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one president, and nine Supreme Court justices equates to 545 human beings out of the 300 million are directly, legally, morally, and individually responsible for the domestic problems that plague this country. I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress. In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered, but private, central bank.
I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason.. They have no legal authority. They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a president to do one cotton-picking thing. I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash. The politician has the power to accept or reject it. No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator's responsibility to determine how he votes.
Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not their fault. They cooperate in this common con regardless of party. What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall. No normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for creating deficits.. The president can only propose a budget. He cannot force the Congress to accept it.
The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes. Who is the speaker of the House? Nancy Pelosi. She is the leader of the majority party. She and fellow House members, not the president, can approve any budget they want. If the president vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they agree to.
It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million can not replace 545 people who stand convicted -- by present facts -- of incompetence and irresponsibility. I can't think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people. When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist.
If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it unfair.
If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red ..
If the Army & Marines are in IRAQ , it's because they want them in IRAQ
If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it's because they want it that way.
There are no insoluble government problems.
Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power. Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like "the economy," "inflation," or "politics" that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do.
Those 545 people, and they alone, are responsible.
They, and they alone, have the power.
They, and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses.
Provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees... We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess!
What you do with this article now that you have read it.......... Is up to you.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
ONLY A FARM KID
When you're from the country you look at things a little differently.....
A Missouri farmer got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring farm and knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door.
"Is your Dad home?" the rancher asked.
"No sir, he isn't," the boy replied. "He went into town."
"Well," said the rancher "Is your Mother here?"
"No sir, she's not here either. She went into town with Dad."
"Well, how about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No sir, he went with Mom and Dad."
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for you?" the boy asked politely. "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one. Or maybe I could take a message for Dad."
"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."
The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about that," he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $100 for the bull and $50 for the boar, but I really don't know how much he gets for Howard."
A Missouri farmer got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring farm and knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door.
"Is your Dad home?" the rancher asked.
"No sir, he isn't," the boy replied. "He went into town."
"Well," said the rancher "Is your Mother here?"
"No sir, she's not here either. She went into town with Dad."
"Well, how about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No sir, he went with Mom and Dad."
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for you?" the boy asked politely. "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one. Or maybe I could take a message for Dad."
"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."
The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about that," he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $100 for the bull and $50 for the boar, but I really don't know how much he gets for Howard."
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
INTERNET WARNING - BAD EMAILS
If you get an email titled "Nude photo of Nancy Pelosi," and harry Reid don't open it....
It contains nude photos of Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid!
It contains nude photos of Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid!
Monday, August 24, 2009
HEART ATTACK ADVICE
Bayer is making crystal aspirin to dissolve under the tongue. They work much faster than the tablets. Similar aspirin may be made by other companies.
Why keep aspirin by your bedside?
There are other symptoms of an heart attack besides the pain on the left arm. One must also be aware of an intense pain on the chin, as well as nausea and lots of sweating, however these symptoms may also occur less frequently.
Note: There may be no pain in the chest during a heart attack. The majority of people (about 60%) who had a heart attack during their sleep, did not wake up. However, if it occurs, the chest pain may wake you up from your deep sleep. If that happens, immediately dissolve two aspirins in your mouth and swallow them with a bit of water.
Afterwards:
- phone a neighbor or a family member who lives very close by
- say "heart attack!"
- say that you have taken 2 aspirins.
- take a seat on a chair or sofa near the front door, and wait for their arrival and...
~ do NOT lie down ~
A Cardiologist has stated that, if each person, after receiving this e-mail, sends it to 10 people, probably one life can be saved!
I have already shared the information- - What about you?
Why keep aspirin by your bedside?
There are other symptoms of an heart attack besides the pain on the left arm. One must also be aware of an intense pain on the chin, as well as nausea and lots of sweating, however these symptoms may also occur less frequently.
Note: There may be no pain in the chest during a heart attack. The majority of people (about 60%) who had a heart attack during their sleep, did not wake up. However, if it occurs, the chest pain may wake you up from your deep sleep. If that happens, immediately dissolve two aspirins in your mouth and swallow them with a bit of water.
Afterwards:
- phone a neighbor or a family member who lives very close by
- say "heart attack!"
- say that you have taken 2 aspirins.
- take a seat on a chair or sofa near the front door, and wait for their arrival and...
~ do NOT lie down ~
A Cardiologist has stated that, if each person, after receiving this e-mail, sends it to 10 people, probably one life can be saved!
I have already shared the information- - What about you?
Sunday, August 23, 2009
THE PERFECT SOLUTION TO SENIOR HEALTH CARE
While discussing the upcoming Universal Health Care Program with my sister-in-law the other day, I think we have found the solution. I am sure you have heard the ideas that if you're a senior you need to suck it up and give up the idea that you need any health care. A new hip? Unheard of. We simply can't afford to take care of you anymore. You don't need any medications for your high blood pressure, diabetes, heart problems, etc. Let's take care of the young people. After all, they will be ruling the world very soon.
So here is the solution. When you turn 70, you get a gun and 4 bullets.. You are allowed to shoot 2 senators and 2 representatives. Of course, you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head and all the health care you need!!! New teeth, great!!! Need glasses, no problem. New hip, knee, kidney, lung, heart? Well bring it on. And who will be paying for all of this.. The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care. And, since you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income tax.
I really think we have a Perfect Solution!!!
So here is the solution. When you turn 70, you get a gun and 4 bullets.. You are allowed to shoot 2 senators and 2 representatives. Of course, you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head and all the health care you need!!! New teeth, great!!! Need glasses, no problem. New hip, knee, kidney, lung, heart? Well bring it on. And who will be paying for all of this.. The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care. And, since you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income tax.
I really think we have a Perfect Solution!!!
Saturday, August 22, 2009
SMILE EVERY DAY
HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK
1. Create a new file on your computer.
2. Name it 'Barack Obama.'
3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.
4. Empty the Recycle Bin.
5. Your PC will ask you: 'Do you really want to get rid of 'Barack Obama?'
6. Firmly Click 'Yes.'
7. Feel better?
GOOD! - Tomorrow we'll do Nancy Pelosi
1. Create a new file on your computer.
2. Name it 'Barack Obama.'
3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.
4. Empty the Recycle Bin.
5. Your PC will ask you: 'Do you really want to get rid of 'Barack Obama?'
6. Firmly Click 'Yes.'
7. Feel better?
GOOD! - Tomorrow we'll do Nancy Pelosi
Friday, August 21, 2009
TRUE LOVE
An elderly gent was invited to an old friend's home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Darling, Honey, My Love, Pumpkin, Sweetheart, etc..
The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.
While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over to his host, and said: "I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names."
The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said. "Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago, -- and I'm scared to death to ask the old bat what it is."
The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.
While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over to his host, and said: "I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names."
The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said. "Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago, -- and I'm scared to death to ask the old bat what it is."
Thursday, August 20, 2009
MOHAMMED
A Muslim dies and finds himself before the pearly gates. He is very excited, as all his life he has longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed.
Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, he meets a man with a beard. He asks, 'Are you Mohammed?'
'No. I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up.' He points to a ladder that rises into the clouds
Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than Peter, he climbs the ladder in great strides, climbs through the clouds coming to a room where he meets another bearded man.
He asks again, 'Are you Mohammed?'
'No, I am Moses. Mohammed is higher still.'
Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy, he continues to climb the ladder and, yet again, he discovers an even larger room where he meets another man with a beard. Full of hope, he asks again, 'Are you Mohammed?'
'No, I am Jesus. You will find Mohammed higher up.'
Mohammed higher than Jesus! The poor man can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs, ever higher once again, he reaches a larger room where he meets a man with a beard and repeats his question: 'Are you Mohammed?' he gasps, as he is by now, totally out of breath from all his climbing.
'No. I am God. But you look exhausted. Would you like a coffee?' 'Yes, please, Lord'
God looks behind him, claps his hands, and calls out: 'Hey, Mohammed…….. Two coffees!' On the double!
Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, he meets a man with a beard. He asks, 'Are you Mohammed?'
'No. I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up.' He points to a ladder that rises into the clouds
Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than Peter, he climbs the ladder in great strides, climbs through the clouds coming to a room where he meets another bearded man.
He asks again, 'Are you Mohammed?'
'No, I am Moses. Mohammed is higher still.'
Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy, he continues to climb the ladder and, yet again, he discovers an even larger room where he meets another man with a beard. Full of hope, he asks again, 'Are you Mohammed?'
'No, I am Jesus. You will find Mohammed higher up.'
Mohammed higher than Jesus! The poor man can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs, ever higher once again, he reaches a larger room where he meets a man with a beard and repeats his question: 'Are you Mohammed?' he gasps, as he is by now, totally out of breath from all his climbing.
'No. I am God. But you look exhausted. Would you like a coffee?' 'Yes, please, Lord'
God looks behind him, claps his hands, and calls out: 'Hey, Mohammed…….. Two coffees!' On the double!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
FIRST LADY AND HER 20 ATTENDANTS
No, Michele Obama does not get paid to serve as the First Lady and she doesn't perform any official duties. But this hasn't deterred her from hiring an unprecedented number of staffers to cater to her every whim and to satisfy her every request in the midst of the Great Recession. Just think Mary Lincoln was taken to task for purchasing china for the White House during the Civil War. And Mamie Eisenhower had to shell out the salary for her personal secretary.
How things have changed! If you're one of the tens of millions of Americans facing certain destitution, earning less than subsistence wages stocking the shelves at Wal-Mart or serving up McDonald cheeseburgers, prepare to scream and then come to realize that the benefit package for these servants of Miz Michelle are the same as members of the national security and defense departments and the bill for these assorted lackeys is paid by John Q. Public:
1. $172,2000 - Sher, Susan (Chief Of Staff)
2. $140,000 - Frye, Jocelyn C. (Deputy Assistant to the President and Director of Policy And Projects For The First Lady)
3. $113,000 - Rogers, Desiree G. (Special Assistant to the President and White House Social Secretary)
4. $102,000 - Johnston, Camille Y. (Special Assistant to the President and Director of Communications for the First Lady)
5. Winter, Melissa E. (Special Assistant to the President and Deputy Chief Of Staff to the First Lady)
6. $90,000 - Medina , David S. (Deputy Chief Of Staff to the First Lady)
7. $84,000 - Lelyveld, Catherine M. (Director and Press Secretary to the First Lady)
8. $75,000 - Starkey, Frances M. (Director of Scheduling and Advance for the First Lady)
9. $70,000 - Sanders, Trooper (Deputy Director of Policy and Projects for the First Lady)
10. $65,000 - Burnough, Erinn J. (Deputy Director and Deputy Social Secretary)
11. Reinstein, Joseph B. (Deputy Director and Deputy Social Secretary)
12. $62,000 - Goodman, Jennifer R. (Deputy Director of Scheduling and Events Coordinator For The First Lady)
13. $60,000 - Fitts, Alan O. (Deputy Director of Advance and Trip Director for the First Lady)
14. Lewis, Dana M. (Special Assistant and Personal Aide to the First Lady)
15. $52,500 - Mustaphi, Semonti M. (Associate Director and Deputy Press Secretary To The First Lady)
16. $50,000 - Jarvis, Kristen E. (Special Assistant for Scheduling and Traveling Aide To The First Lady)
17. $45,000 - Lechtenberg, Tyler A. (Associate Director of Correspondence For The First Lady)
18. Tubman, Samantha (Deputy Associate Director, Social Office)
19. $40,000 - Boswell, Joseph J. (Executive Assistant to the Chief Of Staff to the First Lady)
20. $36,000 - Armbruster, Sally M. (Staff Assistant to the Social Secretary)
21. Bookey, Natalie (Staff Assistant)
22. Jackson, Deilia A. (Deputy Associate Director of Correspondence for the First Lady)
There has never been anyone in the White House at any time that has created such an army of staffers whose sole duties are the facilitation of the First Lady's social life. One wonders why she needs so much help, at taxpayer expense,when even Hillary, only had three; Jackie Kennedy one; Laura Bush one; and prior to Mamie Eisenhower social help came from the President's own pocket.
Note: This does not include makeup artist Ingrid Grimes-Miles, 49, and "First Hairstylist" Johnny Wright, 31, both of whom travelled aboard Air Force One to Europe .
How things have changed! If you're one of the tens of millions of Americans facing certain destitution, earning less than subsistence wages stocking the shelves at Wal-Mart or serving up McDonald cheeseburgers, prepare to scream and then come to realize that the benefit package for these servants of Miz Michelle are the same as members of the national security and defense departments and the bill for these assorted lackeys is paid by John Q. Public:
1. $172,2000 - Sher, Susan (Chief Of Staff)
2. $140,000 - Frye, Jocelyn C. (Deputy Assistant to the President and Director of Policy And Projects For The First Lady)
3. $113,000 - Rogers, Desiree G. (Special Assistant to the President and White House Social Secretary)
4. $102,000 - Johnston, Camille Y. (Special Assistant to the President and Director of Communications for the First Lady)
5. Winter, Melissa E. (Special Assistant to the President and Deputy Chief Of Staff to the First Lady)
6. $90,000 - Medina , David S. (Deputy Chief Of Staff to the First Lady)
7. $84,000 - Lelyveld, Catherine M. (Director and Press Secretary to the First Lady)
8. $75,000 - Starkey, Frances M. (Director of Scheduling and Advance for the First Lady)
9. $70,000 - Sanders, Trooper (Deputy Director of Policy and Projects for the First Lady)
10. $65,000 - Burnough, Erinn J. (Deputy Director and Deputy Social Secretary)
11. Reinstein, Joseph B. (Deputy Director and Deputy Social Secretary)
12. $62,000 - Goodman, Jennifer R. (Deputy Director of Scheduling and Events Coordinator For The First Lady)
13. $60,000 - Fitts, Alan O. (Deputy Director of Advance and Trip Director for the First Lady)
14. Lewis, Dana M. (Special Assistant and Personal Aide to the First Lady)
15. $52,500 - Mustaphi, Semonti M. (Associate Director and Deputy Press Secretary To The First Lady)
16. $50,000 - Jarvis, Kristen E. (Special Assistant for Scheduling and Traveling Aide To The First Lady)
17. $45,000 - Lechtenberg, Tyler A. (Associate Director of Correspondence For The First Lady)
18. Tubman, Samantha (Deputy Associate Director, Social Office)
19. $40,000 - Boswell, Joseph J. (Executive Assistant to the Chief Of Staff to the First Lady)
20. $36,000 - Armbruster, Sally M. (Staff Assistant to the Social Secretary)
21. Bookey, Natalie (Staff Assistant)
22. Jackson, Deilia A. (Deputy Associate Director of Correspondence for the First Lady)
There has never been anyone in the White House at any time that has created such an army of staffers whose sole duties are the facilitation of the First Lady's social life. One wonders why she needs so much help, at taxpayer expense,when even Hillary, only had three; Jackie Kennedy one; Laura Bush one; and prior to Mamie Eisenhower social help came from the President's own pocket.
Note: This does not include makeup artist Ingrid Grimes-Miles, 49, and "First Hairstylist" Johnny Wright, 31, both of whom travelled aboard Air Force One to Europe .
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
JUDAS ASPARAGUS
A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes. I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching???
The Children's Bible in a Nutshell
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.
Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.
Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.
Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.....Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.
Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob hisbirthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.
God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.
Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.
One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and thenbarfed up on the shore.
There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats.
Jesus also had twelve opossums.
The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.
But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.
Through the eyes of a child:
The Children's Bible in a Nutshell
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.
Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.
Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.
Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.....Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.
Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob hisbirthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.
God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.
Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.
One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and thenbarfed up on the shore.
There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats.
Jesus also had twelve opossums.
The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.
But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.
Monday, August 17, 2009
MEMORIES
JUST Click on the year and select your favorite song.
YEAR 50-54
YEAR 55-59
YEAR 60-64
YEAR 65-69
YEAR 70-74
YEAR 75-79
YEAR 80-84
YEAR 85-89
Enjoy........ ......... ......... ......... ..
YEAR 50-54
YEAR 55-59
YEAR 60-64
YEAR 65-69
YEAR 70-74
YEAR 75-79
YEAR 80-84
YEAR 85-89
Enjoy........ ......... ......... ......... ..
Sunday, August 16, 2009
DOUBLE-DECKER FUN
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-Decker bus for a weekend trip to Louisiana. The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top level.
The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she
hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate.
When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road,
clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
The brunette asked, 'What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!'
One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered... "YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!!"
The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she
hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate.
When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road,
clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
The brunette asked, 'What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!'
One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered... "YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!!"
Friday, August 14, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
GOOD NIGHT
The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they
voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you?” He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing -hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! "He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."
The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said.
They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and watched me all night."
voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you?” He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing -hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! "He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."
The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said.
They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and watched me all night."
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
DON'T MESS WITH THIS FLIGHT ATTENDANT
A mother and her 5-year-old son were flying Southwest Airlines from Denver to Dallas . The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, 'If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, don't big planes have baby planes?"
The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant.
So the little guy walked up to the galley and asked the flight attendant, 'If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The flight attendant sighed and responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?"
The boy said, "Yes, she did...."
"Well, then, please tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have her explain that to you."
The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant.
So the little guy walked up to the galley and asked the flight attendant, 'If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The flight attendant sighed and responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?"
The boy said, "Yes, she did...."
"Well, then, please tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have her explain that to you."
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
DATING A WOMAN
WHITE WOMEN:
* First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
* Second date: You get to grope all over and make out a bit.
* Third date: You get to make love but only in the missionary position.
IRISH WOMEN:
* First Date: You both get blind drunk and make love
* Second Date: You both get blind drunk and make love
* 20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and make love
ITALIAN WOMEN:
* First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
* Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
* Third Date: You make love; she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat ring.
* 5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of making love.
* 6th Anniversary: You find yourself a Mistress.
JEWISH WOMEN:
* First Date: You get terrific head.
* Second Date: You get even more great head.
* Third Date: You tell her you will marry her and never get head again.
CHINESE WOMEN:
* First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
* Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
* Third date: You do not even get to the third date and you have already realized nothing is ever going to happen.
INDIAN WOMEN:
* First date: Meet her parents.
* Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
* Third date: Wedding night.
BLACK WOMEN:
* First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
* Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
* Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
* Tenth Date: She is pregnant by someone other than you.
MEXICAN WOMEN:
* First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and make love in the back of her car.
* Second Date: She is pregnant.
* Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana strip.
ARAB WOMEN:
* First Date: Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire Arab community finds out.
* Second Date: You are shot dead.
* No third date.
* First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
* Second date: You get to grope all over and make out a bit.
* Third date: You get to make love but only in the missionary position.
IRISH WOMEN:
* First Date: You both get blind drunk and make love
* Second Date: You both get blind drunk and make love
* 20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and make love
ITALIAN WOMEN:
* First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
* Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
* Third Date: You make love; she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat ring.
* 5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of making love.
* 6th Anniversary: You find yourself a Mistress.
JEWISH WOMEN:
* First Date: You get terrific head.
* Second Date: You get even more great head.
* Third Date: You tell her you will marry her and never get head again.
CHINESE WOMEN:
* First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
* Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
* Third date: You do not even get to the third date and you have already realized nothing is ever going to happen.
INDIAN WOMEN:
* First date: Meet her parents.
* Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
* Third date: Wedding night.
BLACK WOMEN:
* First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
* Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
* Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
* Tenth Date: She is pregnant by someone other than you.
MEXICAN WOMEN:
* First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and make love in the back of her car.
* Second Date: She is pregnant.
* Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana strip.
ARAB WOMEN:
* First Date: Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire Arab community finds out.
* Second Date: You are shot dead.
* No third date.
Monday, August 10, 2009
THE ZEN OF SARCASM
Most of these are right on the money.......................
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day .
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving .
20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
AND
22 . Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day .
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving .
20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
AND
22 . Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
THE BEAUTY OF MATH
Beauty of Mathematics !!!!!!!
1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111
9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888
Brilliant, isn't it?
And look at this symmetry:
1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321
Now, take a look at this...
101% --- From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:
What Equals 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been in situations where someone wants you to GIVE OVER 100%.
How about ACHIEVING 101%? What equals 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
If:
H-A-R-D-W-O- R- K
8+1+18+4+23+ 15+18+11 = 98%
And:
K-N-O-W-L-E- D-G-E
11+14+15+23+ 12+5+4+7+ 5 = 96%
But:
A-T-T-I-T-U- D-E
1+20+20+9+20+ 21+4+5 = 100%
THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:
L-O-V-E-O-F- G-O-D
12+15+22+5+15+ 6+7+15+4 = 101%
Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, It's the Love of God that will put you over the top!
1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111
9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888
Brilliant, isn't it?
And look at this symmetry:
1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321
Now, take a look at this...
101% --- From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:
What Equals 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been in situations where someone wants you to GIVE OVER 100%.
How about ACHIEVING 101%? What equals 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
If:
H-A-R-D-W-O- R- K
8+1+18+4+23+ 15+18+11 = 98%
And:
K-N-O-W-L-E- D-G-E
11+14+15+23+ 12+5+4+7+ 5 = 96%
But:
A-T-T-I-T-U- D-E
1+20+20+9+20+ 21+4+5 = 100%
THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:
L-O-V-E-O-F- G-O-D
12+15+22+5+15+ 6+7+15+4 = 101%
Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, It's the Love of God that will put you over the top!
Saturday, August 8, 2009
TIM GEITHNER'S IRS AUDITORS
The IRS sends their auditor (a nasty little man) to audit a synagogue. The auditor is finished doing all the checks, and then turns to the Rabbi and says, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."
"Yes," answered the Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked.
"A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up. When we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker and every now and then, they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his question actually had a practical answer. So he thought he'd try another question, in his obnoxious way... "Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up the crumbs, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo balls."
"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?"
"Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to the IRS .."
"To the IRS ?" questioned the auditor in disbelief.
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, "directly to the IRS ....And about once a year, they send us a little prick like you."
"Yes," answered the Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked.
"A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up. When we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker and every now and then, they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his question actually had a practical answer. So he thought he'd try another question, in his obnoxious way... "Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up the crumbs, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo balls."
"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?"
"Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to the IRS .."
"To the IRS ?" questioned the auditor in disbelief.
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, "directly to the IRS ....And about once a year, they send us a little prick like you."
Thursday, August 6, 2009
TO IMPORTANT TO MISS
You need to make yourself comfortable, gather your spouse and kids around, sit down and listen to every last word this man has to say. This message is so important to America right now that I am going to post it on all of my blogs.
I talk to people from all around the country every day. I have been listening to the rumble. The angry tempo of America is growing. A massive explosion in our country looms, as if the tinder is dry, the kindling is dry, and the powder is volatile.
We need to act now, before we step into anarchy.
Click below:
http://la-gun.com/email/manning/
I talk to people from all around the country every day. I have been listening to the rumble. The angry tempo of America is growing. A massive explosion in our country looms, as if the tinder is dry, the kindling is dry, and the powder is volatile.
We need to act now, before we step into anarchy.
Click below:
http://la-gun.com/email/manning/
THE RIGHT NOURISHMENT
Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it.'
'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'
'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Croc.
'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'
'Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Capitol.'
'Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?'
'Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat 'em!'
'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase!'
'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'
'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Croc.
'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'
'Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Capitol.'
'Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?'
'Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat 'em!'
'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase!'
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
SOME TRUE TEXAS WISDOM
As one Texan put it well...
Dr. Donald May delivered this message from the courthouse steps in Lubbock. He electrified the audience like I haven't seen in a long time. His delivery was masterful. I am sorry you could not see him in action. Anyway, I thought you might enjoy his words.
"This is A Time For Courage" - April 15, 2009 - 11:49 pm
"We are gathered here today on the plains of West Texas in common purpose. We are here to remind our government that this is our country. We the People are still in charge, and our government is still our servant and not our master. Our Nation's founding document is The Declaration of Independence. It tells us that our rights come from God and NOT from a small group of Elite men and women.
Our Constitution starts with the words "We the People." Our Constitution was written for ordinary Americans like you and me. Our Constitution protects us from our government and from the politicians.
Our President has complained that our Constitution gives ordinary people too much protection. He has ridiculed us for the high value we place on our Bibles, our guns, our personal property, and our Liberty. He tells us we do not deserve to keep the money we have earned. We are told freedom has not worked. Personal responsibility, free enterprise, and Liberty have not been effective. Our government will now make more of our decisions for us.
Other than our military, I can think of not one government agency I have ever found to be helpful. And speaking of our military, how about those Navy Seals blowing the heads off those three terrorist pirates? Don't you just wish our entire government would function with such efficiency, professionalism, and courage?
We watch in disbelief as our beloved United States is weakened economically, militarily, and morally by a
radical President and his eager accomplices. What has taken generations to build is systematically destroyed and replaced with the same Socialist Evil that brought poverty, destruction, and despair to untold hundreds of millions.
The problems we face today have occurred because we have not defended our Nation from Socialism. For too long we have allowed the wrong people to make the worst possible decisions.
The Bible warns us of class hatred. The radical leadership of our government daily fans the evil flames of class envy. Our European and Canadian friends beg us to NOT make the same Socialist mistakes they did.
The President of the European20 Union warned our President that his Socialist economic plans are taking the World down the 'road to Hell.' The path to power for Socialists includes taking God and guns from the
citizens. Without spiritual and physical protection, people cannot defend themselves and their Liberty. They soon become slaves.
We are angered that... our President apologizes for the exceptionalism and heroism of the United States of America. We are deeply troubled that he told others the United States is not a Christian nation. We are angered that... we have been called cowards and racistsbbecause we oppose Socialism. Socialism is not racial. Socialism is an equal opportunity destroyer.
We are angered that... a recent Department of Homeland Security report has singled out our military men and women who are returning home as being radical threats. The report also characterizes you and me as
right-wing extremists and radicals because we favor smaller government and lower taxes. You and I are average citizens who believe just like most of our fellow Americans. We want our government to leave us
alone and to keep its hands off our money, our religion, or guns, our private property, and our lives.
We demand that our government STOP spending money it does not have; STOP confiscating our money and private property; STOP printing money; STOP subsidizing Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, and the other failed financial institutions and companies.
Mr. President, stop appointing tax cheats to positions of power and influence. Mr. President, secure our borders. Mr. President, do NOT divert money from our missile defense, F-22 Raptors, and other vital military equipment. This gives encouragement, aid, and comfort to our enemies. Protecting us is your
number one job.
Mr. President, do NOT give voting rights to millions of illegal aliens and felons. You have no more right to create new voters for your benefit than you do to use our money to buy the 2010 and 2012 elections..
We gather peacefully here today because there is a growing concern for what our government is doing to us and to our future. We fear for the very survival of our Republic. Yet there is much to make us hopeful and to fill our hearts with optimism and courage. This is still OUR country! The Constitution of the United States belongs to We the People. Our Constitution still protects us from our government.
Call every possible elected official, including our President, Vice President, and the Speaker of the House. Demand that they STOP stealing our money and giving it to ACORN and their other political supporters in
order to buy votes. Call Senators Cornyn and Hutchison, and Representative Neugebauer. Thank them. Urge them to do much more. Remind them now is a time for action and not for campaigning.
Volunteer to work on our 2010 Census. Confront ACORN. Keep our Census honest. We must NOT allow our President to take control of our Census for his political advantage.
We must replace as much of our Far Left Congress as possible in 2010. Get involved. Do NOT let the ACORN control our 2010 Election.
Talk with someone every day who does not understand our nation's history and our great heritage. Tell them why the United States is a good and prosperous nation. It still remains that brightly lit city on the hill. It still is the best hope for all mankind. Talk with all of the young people you can find. They are our future. Many do not understand what they have and that their future is being destroyed.
Encourage your elected State officials to pass legislation that will protect us from our Federal government. This is a time for strong peaceful action. Let us PRAY that We the People can quickly return our government to its Constitutional responsibilities. Our President and Congress were elected to be our servants and NOT our masters.
May God help our President and Congress to quickly realize the error of their ways and stop their reckless and unwarranted spending, cut our taxes, and reduce the size of our Federal bureaucracy. If they do not, may God grant us the courage and determination to vote them out of power next year.
May God richly bless and protect each of you, and our Constitution, as together we pursue Liberty!"
Delivered at the Lubbock, Texas, TEA Party by Dr. Donald May. (The news media was there, but not one word of this man's appearance ever appeared on TV or in print, even though he completely dominated the scene. It should be on the front page of every newspaper in the USA instead of being swept under the rug and kept off the news broadcasts. Our news media leaves much to be desired, plain and simple. They are not "reporting the news"; they are telling us what they want us to hear and that is not reporting the news. One more step toward Socialism. Lets keep this going so everyone will know the truth.)
Dr. Donald May delivered this message from the courthouse steps in Lubbock. He electrified the audience like I haven't seen in a long time. His delivery was masterful. I am sorry you could not see him in action. Anyway, I thought you might enjoy his words.
"This is A Time For Courage" - April 15, 2009 - 11:49 pm
"We are gathered here today on the plains of West Texas in common purpose. We are here to remind our government that this is our country. We the People are still in charge, and our government is still our servant and not our master. Our Nation's founding document is The Declaration of Independence. It tells us that our rights come from God and NOT from a small group of Elite men and women.
Our Constitution starts with the words "We the People." Our Constitution was written for ordinary Americans like you and me. Our Constitution protects us from our government and from the politicians.
Our President has complained that our Constitution gives ordinary people too much protection. He has ridiculed us for the high value we place on our Bibles, our guns, our personal property, and our Liberty. He tells us we do not deserve to keep the money we have earned. We are told freedom has not worked. Personal responsibility, free enterprise, and Liberty have not been effective. Our government will now make more of our decisions for us.
Other than our military, I can think of not one government agency I have ever found to be helpful. And speaking of our military, how about those Navy Seals blowing the heads off those three terrorist pirates? Don't you just wish our entire government would function with such efficiency, professionalism, and courage?
We watch in disbelief as our beloved United States is weakened economically, militarily, and morally by a
radical President and his eager accomplices. What has taken generations to build is systematically destroyed and replaced with the same Socialist Evil that brought poverty, destruction, and despair to untold hundreds of millions.
The problems we face today have occurred because we have not defended our Nation from Socialism. For too long we have allowed the wrong people to make the worst possible decisions.
The Bible warns us of class hatred. The radical leadership of our government daily fans the evil flames of class envy. Our European and Canadian friends beg us to NOT make the same Socialist mistakes they did.
The President of the European20 Union warned our President that his Socialist economic plans are taking the World down the 'road to Hell.' The path to power for Socialists includes taking God and guns from the
citizens. Without spiritual and physical protection, people cannot defend themselves and their Liberty. They soon become slaves.
We are angered that... our President apologizes for the exceptionalism and heroism of the United States of America. We are deeply troubled that he told others the United States is not a Christian nation. We are angered that... we have been called cowards and racistsbbecause we oppose Socialism. Socialism is not racial. Socialism is an equal opportunity destroyer.
We are angered that... a recent Department of Homeland Security report has singled out our military men and women who are returning home as being radical threats. The report also characterizes you and me as
right-wing extremists and radicals because we favor smaller government and lower taxes. You and I are average citizens who believe just like most of our fellow Americans. We want our government to leave us
alone and to keep its hands off our money, our religion, or guns, our private property, and our lives.
We demand that our government STOP spending money it does not have; STOP confiscating our money and private property; STOP printing money; STOP subsidizing Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, and the other failed financial institutions and companies.
Mr. President, stop appointing tax cheats to positions of power and influence. Mr. President, secure our borders. Mr. President, do NOT divert money from our missile defense, F-22 Raptors, and other vital military equipment. This gives encouragement, aid, and comfort to our enemies. Protecting us is your
number one job.
Mr. President, do NOT give voting rights to millions of illegal aliens and felons. You have no more right to create new voters for your benefit than you do to use our money to buy the 2010 and 2012 elections..
We gather peacefully here today because there is a growing concern for what our government is doing to us and to our future. We fear for the very survival of our Republic. Yet there is much to make us hopeful and to fill our hearts with optimism and courage. This is still OUR country! The Constitution of the United States belongs to We the People. Our Constitution still protects us from our government.
Call every possible elected official, including our President, Vice President, and the Speaker of the House. Demand that they STOP stealing our money and giving it to ACORN and their other political supporters in
order to buy votes. Call Senators Cornyn and Hutchison, and Representative Neugebauer. Thank them. Urge them to do much more. Remind them now is a time for action and not for campaigning.
Volunteer to work on our 2010 Census. Confront ACORN. Keep our Census honest. We must NOT allow our President to take control of our Census for his political advantage.
We must replace as much of our Far Left Congress as possible in 2010. Get involved. Do NOT let the ACORN control our 2010 Election.
Talk with someone every day who does not understand our nation's history and our great heritage. Tell them why the United States is a good and prosperous nation. It still remains that brightly lit city on the hill. It still is the best hope for all mankind. Talk with all of the young people you can find. They are our future. Many do not understand what they have and that their future is being destroyed.
Encourage your elected State officials to pass legislation that will protect us from our Federal government. This is a time for strong peaceful action. Let us PRAY that We the People can quickly return our government to its Constitutional responsibilities. Our President and Congress were elected to be our servants and NOT our masters.
May God help our President and Congress to quickly realize the error of their ways and stop their reckless and unwarranted spending, cut our taxes, and reduce the size of our Federal bureaucracy. If they do not, may God grant us the courage and determination to vote them out of power next year.
May God richly bless and protect each of you, and our Constitution, as together we pursue Liberty!"
Delivered at the Lubbock, Texas, TEA Party by Dr. Donald May. (The news media was there, but not one word of this man's appearance ever appeared on TV or in print, even though he completely dominated the scene. It should be on the front page of every newspaper in the USA instead of being swept under the rug and kept off the news broadcasts. Our news media leaves much to be desired, plain and simple. They are not "reporting the news"; they are telling us what they want us to hear and that is not reporting the news. One more step toward Socialism. Lets keep this going so everyone will know the truth.)
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
CLIP JOB
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asks about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The florist is pleased and leaves the shop.
When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The professor is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve Your Business' and 'Becoming More Successful.'
Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the members of our Congress.
Vote carefully this year.
When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The professor is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve Your Business' and 'Becoming More Successful.'
Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the members of our Congress.
Vote carefully this year.
Monday, August 3, 2009
CALLING ALL OLD FARTS
> I'm passing this on as I did not
> want to be the only old fart receiving it. Actually, it's not a bad
> thing to be called as you will see.
>
> Old Farts are easy to spot: At sporting events, during the playing of
> the Star Spangled BANNER.
>
> Old Farts remove their caps and stand at attention and sing without
> embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them.
>
> Old Farts remember the Depression, World War II, Pearl Harbor ,
> Guadalcanal , Normandy and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Age, the
> Korean War 1950-55, The Cold War, the jet age and the moon landing,
> the 50 plus Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005 the Jet Age and
> the Moon Landing, not to mention Vietnam .
>
> If you bump into an Old Fart on the sidewalk he will apologize If you
> pass an Old Fart on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady.
>
> Old Farts trust strangers and are courtly to women..
>
> Old Farts hold the door for the next person and always, when walking,
> make certain the lady is on the inside for protection.
>
> Old Farts get embarrassed if someone
> curses in front of women and children and they don't like any filth
> on TV or in movies or in e-mails
>
> Old Farts have moral courage. They seldom brag unless it's about their
> grandchildren. .
>
> It's the Old Farts who know our great
> country is protected, not by
> politicians, but by the young men and women in the military serving
> their country.
>
> This country needs Old Farts with their decent values.
>
> We need them now more than ever.
>
> Thank
> God for Old Farts!
>
> Pass this on to all the Old Farts you know, and I did!
> want to be the only old fart receiving it. Actually, it's not a bad
> thing to be called as you will see.
>
> Old Farts are easy to spot: At sporting events, during the playing of
> the Star Spangled BANNER.
>
> Old Farts remove their caps and stand at attention and sing without
> embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them.
>
> Old Farts remember the Depression, World War II, Pearl Harbor ,
> Guadalcanal , Normandy and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Age, the
> Korean War 1950-55, The Cold War, the jet age and the moon landing,
> the 50 plus Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005 the Jet Age and
> the Moon Landing, not to mention Vietnam .
>
> If you bump into an Old Fart on the sidewalk he will apologize If you
> pass an Old Fart on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady.
>
> Old Farts trust strangers and are courtly to women..
>
> Old Farts hold the door for the next person and always, when walking,
> make certain the lady is on the inside for protection.
>
> Old Farts get embarrassed if someone
> curses in front of women and children and they don't like any filth
> on TV or in movies or in e-mails
>
> Old Farts have moral courage. They seldom brag unless it's about their
> grandchildren. .
>
> It's the Old Farts who know our great
> country is protected, not by
> politicians, but by the young men and women in the military serving
> their country.
>
> This country needs Old Farts with their decent values.
>
> We need them now more than ever.
>
> Thank
> God for Old Farts!
>
> Pass this on to all the Old Farts you know, and I did!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
ENGLISH FROM AROUND THE WORLD
Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Doctor's office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel near a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Doctor's office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel near a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
411
Here's a number worth putting in your cell phone, or your home phone speed dial: 1-800-goog411. This is an awesome service from Google, and it's free -- great when you are on the road. Don't waste your money on information calls and don't waste your time manually dialing the number. I am driving along in my car and I need to call the golf course and I don't know the number. I hit the speed dial for information that I have programmed. The voice at the other end says, "City & State." I say, " Garland , Texas." He says, "Business, Name or Type of Service." I say, Firewheel Golf Course." He says, "Connecting" and Firewheel answers the phone. How great is that? This is nationwide and it is absolutely free!
Click on the link below and watch the short clip for a quick demonstration.
Click on the link below and watch the short clip for a quick demonstration.
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