FOUL LANGUAGE

Years ago when I sometimes used unsavory language, I often used the expression "Bull Shit." As I grew up a bit and discovered it was not necessary to use such crude language, that expression became "BS."

What did I really mean when I used those expressions? I meant that something was ridiculous, or idiotic or a half truth or just stupid. It covered any number of negative formats. The dictionary defines it as nonsense; especially foolish insolent talk.

I have decided that I no longer will use that expression in the future. When I have a need to express such feelings, I will use the word "Pelosi."

Let me use it in a sentence. "That's just a bunch of Pelosi."

I encourage you to do the same. It is such a good word. It really packs a lot of punch. We are no longer being vulgar. But it clearly expresses our feelings. If enough of us use it, perhaps the word could be entered into the dictionary. What an excellent legacy for the Speaker of the House!

And, that's no Pelosi.

THE REAL WORKINGS OF THE ECONOMIC STIMULUS BILL

Shortly after class, an economics student approaches his economics professor and says, "I don't understand this stimulus bill. Can you explain it to me?"

The professor replied, "I don't have any time to explain it at my office, but if you come over to my house on Saturday and help me with my weekend project, I'll be glad to explain it to you." The student agreed.

At the agreed-upon time, the student showed up at the professor's house. The professor stated that the weekend project involved his backyard pool. They both went out back to the pool, and the professor handed the student a bucket. Demonstrating with his own bucket, the professor said, "First, go over to the deep end, and fill your bucket with as much water as you can." The student did as he was instructed.

The professor then continued, "Follow me over to the shallow end, and then dump all the water from your bucket into it." The student was naturally confused, but did as he was told.

The professor then explained they were going to do this many more times, and began walking back to the deep end of the pool. The confused student asked, "Excuse me, but why are we doing this?"

The professor matter-of-factly stated that he was trying to make the shallow end much deeper. The student didn't think the economics professor was serious, but figured that he would find out the real story soon enough.

However, after the 6th trip between the shallow end and the deep end, the student began to become worried that his economics professor had gone mad. The student finally replied, "All we're doing is wasting valuable time and effort on unproductive pursuits. Even worse, when this process is all over, everything will be at the same level it was before, so all you'll really have accomplished is the destruction of what could have been truly productive action!"

The professor put down his bucket and replied with a smile, "Congratulations. You now understand the stimulus bill."

ADVICE FOR CONGRESS

GET THE PICTURE?

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.

The Coroner tells the Inspector, "First body is a 72 year old Frenchman. He died of heart failure while with his mistress. Hence the enormous smile."

"The second body is an Irishman, 25 years of age. He won a thousand dollars on the lottery and spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"

"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House, 66, struck bylightning.""Why is she smiling then?" inquires the Inspector."She thought she was having her picture taken."

NEED A JOB? THE FBI IS HIRING!

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair .. . .Kill her!!'

The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.'

The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job.. Take your wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room.. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home.'

Finally, it was the woman's turn.. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. 'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him to death with the chair.'

MORAL:
Women are crazy.
Don't mess with them.

PROFOUND STATEMENTS

1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress. -- John Adams

2. If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. -- Mark Twain

3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain

4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. -- Winston Churchill

5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. -- George Bernard Shaw

6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. -- G. Gordon Liddy

7. Democracy has to become something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. -- James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)


8. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. -- Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University (unless it
is going to the Clinton Foundation).

9 Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. -- P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian

10. A Democratic Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. -- Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)

11. Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. -- Ronald Reagan (1986)

12. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. -- Will Rogers

13. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free! (Ask a Canadian or a Swede!) -- P.J. O'Rourke

14. In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one part of the citizens to give to the other. -- Voltaire (1764)

15. Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you! -- Pericles (430 BC.)

16. No man's life, liberty or property is safe while any legislature is in session. -- Mark Twain (1866)

17. Talk is cheap… except when Congress does it. -- Anonymous

18. The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. -- Ronald Reagan

19. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. -- Winston Churchill

20. The only difference between a taxman and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. -- Mark Twain

21. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. -- Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)

22. There is no distinctly native American criminal class… save Congress. -- Mark Twain

23. What this country needs right now are more unemployed politicians. -- Edward Langley, Artist (1928-1995)

24 A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. -- Thomas Jefferson

25. The biggest difference between Republicans and Democrats is the spelling. -- Anonymous

26. If happiness is truly a good screwing, then we should be very happy with Congress. The Unknown Scribbler, 2009

GRIN AND BEAR IT

The photo below captures a disturbing trend that is beginning to affect U.S. wildlife.

Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democratic Party . . . as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.

This photo is of a Democrat black bear in Montana nicknamed Bearack Obearma.

NEW COLLEGE COURSE: SUV'S 101

OF COURSE, THIS IS THE LOWLY PROLETARIAT VERSION. CONGRESSIONAL DELEGATES AND WHITE HOUSE STAFF WILL STILL HAVE THE TRADITIONAL BULLET-PROOFED 19-TON GMC'S...

HEAVENLY POLITICS

The Pope died and went to heaven.

He was stopped at the gate by a sleepy watchman who asked him, "yeah, what do you want?"

The Pope thought, "great! I do 30 years of Gods work to get stopped by this guy." Then he says "Look I am the Pope. I have done many years of good work."

The watchman (a Utah Highway Patrolman) says, "we ain't got no orders for you. Go get some rest and we'll see you in the morning." He then gives the Pope directions to an old WWII open bay barracks. The Pope goes in to find all the lower bunks taken and the only lockers left have no doors. So he throws his gear under his rack and goes to sleep.

The next morning he is awakened by loud music and cheering.

He runs to the window to see a long black limo with a US Senator chief in the back, smoking a huge cigar, hanging on to a huge mug of fresh hot coffee (could have been Martini's) and with two beautiful blonde angels hanging on to him.

The Pope is angry and goes to the night watch. He says, "I'm the Pope! I do 30 years of Gods work aboard the Vatican only to see some U,S, Senator that probably did everything imaginable a rotten politician would do and he get's treated like royalty!"

The watchman says, "Pope! We get Popes every 20 to 30 years. This is our first U.S. Senator."

SHE SHOULD RUN FOR CONGRESS

A beautiful blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude,' then stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed 'YES, YES, I WON, I WON!'

She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

The other answered, 'I don't know, I thought you were watching.'

MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are honest. Not all blondes are dumb. But all men are men.

HOW TO PAY FOR THE STIMULUS PACKAGE

WHY DOCTORS SHOULD BE IN CONGRESS?

Let me tell you about my doctor. He's very good. If you tell him you want a second opinion, he'll go out and come in again.

He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years before he realized she is Chinese.

Another time he gave a patient six months to live. At the end of the six months, the patient hadn't paid his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.

While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said, ' Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he's invisible.' The doctor said, 'Tell him I can't see him.'

One patient came in and said, 'Doctor, I have a serious memory problem.' The doctor asked, 'When did it start?' The man replied, When did what start?'

I remember one time I told my doctor I had a ringing in my ears. His advice: 'Don't answer it.'

My doctor sure has his share of nut cases. One said to him, 'Doctor' I think I'm a bell.' The doctor gave him some pills and said, 'Here, take these - if they don't work, give me a ring.'

Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards. The doctor simply said, 'Go sit over there. I'll deal with you later.'

When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places, he told me to stop going to those places. You know, doctors can be so frustating. You wait a month and a half for an appointment, then he says, ' I wish you had come to me sooner.'

PERFECT IDEA FOR GUN CONTROL

YOU'LL MOST CERTAINLY REGRET LIFE IF YOU DO NOT READ THIS

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's a Rolling Stone."

FLY ME TO THE MOON?

YOU CAN VOTE ON STIMULUS

I believe that there are a few good parts of the proposed stimulus that really should be enacted right now, such as a $15,000 tax incentive to buy a house.

But, 75% of this proposed package is pure spending for the sake of spending and has little or nothing to do with an economic stimulus. This bill needs to be reviewed without the threat of a gun to our head, so I believe in enacting parts of the bill now and putting the rest to active deliberation and consideration.

There is a national organization that believes as I do and wants to make our voices heard. Check it out. Last I heard yesterday, people are signing up at the rate of 10,000 an hour!

http://www.nostimulus.com

TERRIFIC IDEA TO IMPROVE ECONOMY!!!

This is interesting. I didn't try to verify any of the numbers, but it's the proposal I like.

"The Proposal"

When a company falls on difficult times, one of the things that seems to happen is they reduce their staff and workers. The remaining workers need to find ways to continue to do a good job or risk that their job would be eliminated as well. Wall street, and the media normally congratulate the CEO for making this type of "tough decision", and his board of directors gives him a big bonus.

Our government should not be immune from similar risks.

Therefore: Reduce the House of Representatives from the current 435 members to 218 members and Senate members from 100 to 50 (one per State). Also reduce remaining staff by 25%.

Accomplish this over the next 8 years. (Two steps / two elections) and of course this would require some redistricting.

Some Yearly Monetary Gains Include:

$44,108,400 for elimination of base pay for congress. (267 members X $165,200 pay / member / yr.)

$97,175,000 for elimination of the above people's staff. (estimate $1.3 Million in staff per each member of the House, and $3 Million in staff per each member of the Senate every year)

$240,294 for the reduction in remaining staff by 25%.

$7,500,000,000 reduction in pork barrel ear-marks each year. (those members whose jobs are gone. Current estimates for total government pork earmarks are at $15 Billion / yr)

The remaining representatives would need to work smarter and would need to improve efficiencies. It might even be in their best interests to work together for the good of our country?

We may also expect that smaller committees might lead to a more efficient resolution of issues as well. It might even be easier to keep track of what your representative is doing.

Congress has more tools available to do their jobs than it had back in 1911 when the current number of representatives was established. Telephone, computers, cell phones to name a few.

Note:
Congress did not hesitate to head home when it was a holiday, when the nation needed a real fix to the economic problems.. Also, we have 3 senators that have not been doing their jobs for the past 18+ months (on the campaign trail) and still they all have been accepting full pay. These facts alone support a reduction in senators & congress.

Summary of opportunity:

$44,108,400 reduction of congress members.

$282,100, 000 for elimination of the reduced house member staff.

$150,000,000 for elimination of reduced senate member staff.

$59,675,000 for 25% reduction of staff for remaining house members.

$37,500,000 for 25% reduction of staff for remaining senate members.

$7,500,000,000 reduction in pork added to bills by the reduction of congress members.

$8,073,383,400 per year estimated total savings.

That’s 8-BILLION just to start!

Big business does these types of cuts all the time.

If Congresspersons were required to serve 20, 25 or 30 years (like everyone else) in order to collect retirement benefits there are no telling how much we would save. Now they get full retirement after serving only ONE term.

IF you are happy how the Congress spends our taxes, then just delete this message. IF you are NOT at all happy, then I assume you know what to do.

If Congresspersons were required to serve 20, 25 or 30 years (like everyone else) in order to collect retirement benefits, there’s no telling how much we would save.

Now they get full retirement after serving only ONE term!!!

IF you are happy how the Congress spends our taxes, then just delete this message. IF you are NOT at all happy, then I assume you know what to do…

NOW, WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?

JOE THE PLUMBER ON HIS WAY TO CONGRESS?

I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT STUPID QUESTIONS ARE ON NEW HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION TESTS!

The answers are at the bottom, don't cheat.

New High School Exit Exam.............!! (Passing requires only 4 correct answers)

This is sooooo dumb!

1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?


Remember, you only need 4 correct answers to pass. Check your answers below

ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs

7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert

8) What color is a purple finch ? Crimson

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange (of course )


What do you mean, you failed?

WHY PLANES CRASH?

British Airways Zero Three: 'Request push back clearance from the gate.'
Control Tower replies: 'And where is the world's most experienced airline going today without filing a flight plan?'
-----------------------
ATC: ' Al italia 345 continue taxi to 26L South via Tango - check for workers along taxiway.'
Alitalia 345: 'Roger, Taxi 26 Lefta via Tango. Workers checked - all are working'
-----------------------
Nova 851: 'Halifax Terminal, Nova 851 with you out of 13,000 for 10, 000, requesting runway 15.'
Halifax Terminal (female): 'Nova 851 Halifax, the last time I gave a pilot what he wanted I was on penicillin for three weeks. Expect runway 06.'
-----------------------
Lost student pilot: 'Unknown airport with Cessna 150 circling overhead, identify yourself.'
-----------------------
NY Ctr: 'Federal Express 235, descend, maintain three one zero, expect lower in ten miles.'
FedEx 235: 'Okay, outta three five for three one oh, FedEx two thirty-five.'
NY Ctr: 'Delta fahv twuntee, climb one ninah zeruh, dat'll be finah...'
Delta 520: 'Uhh... up to one niner zero, Delta five twenty.'
NY Ctr: ' Al -italia wonna sixxa, you slowa to two-a-fifty, please.'
Alitalia 16: 'HEY! You makea funna Al italia?!'
NY Ctr: 'Oh, no! I make-a! funna Delta anna FedEx!'
--------------------------
Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not?
Pilot: Yes.
Tower: Yes what??
Pilot: Yes, SIR
---------------------------
Frankfurt Contol: 'AF1733, You are on an eight mile final for 27R. You have a UH-1 three miles ahead of you on final; reduce speed to 130 knots.'
Pilot: 'Rogo', Frankfurt . We're bringing this big bird back to one-hundred and thirty knots fer ya.'
Control: (a few moments later): 'AF33, helicopter traffic at 90 knots now 11/2 miles ahead of you; reduce speed further to 110 knots.'
Pilot: 'AF thirty-three reining this here bird back further to 110 knots'
0AControl: 'AF33, you are three miles to touchdown, helicopter traffic now 1 mile ahead of you; reduce speed to 90 knots'
Pilot (a little miffed): 'Sir, do you know what the stall speed of this here C-130 is?'
Control: 'No, but if you ask your co-pilot, he can probably tell you.'
--------------------------
ATC: 'Cessna 123, What are your intentions? '
Cessna: 'To get my Commercial Pilots License and Instrument Rating.'
ATC: 'I meant in the next five minutes not years.'
--------------------------
Controller: AF123, say call sign of your wingman.
Pilot: Uh... approach, we're a single ship.
Controller: oh, oh shit! You have traffic!
---------------------
O'Hare Approach: USA212, cleared ILS runway 32L approach, maintain 250 knots.
USA212: Roger approach, how long do you need me to maintain that speed?
O'Hare Approach: All the way to the gate if you can.
USA212: Ah, OK, but you better warn ground control.
----------------------
ATC: Pan Am 1, descend to 3,000 ft on QNH, altimeter 1019.
Pan AM 1: Could you give that to me in inches?
ATC: Pan Am 1, descend to 36,000 inches on QNH, altimeter1019
------------------------
Cessna 152: 'Flight Level Three Thousand, Seven Hundred'
Controller: 'Roger, contact Houston Space Center '
--------------------------
Beech Baron: Uh, ATC, verify you want me to taxi in front of the 747.
ATC: Yeah, it's OK. He's not hungry.
-------------------------
Student Pilot: 'I'm lost; I'm over a big lake and heading toward the big "E".
Controller: 'Make several 90 degree turns so I can identify you on radar.'
(short pause)... Controller: 'Okay then. That big lake is the Atlantic Ocean . Suggest you turn to the big "W" immediately.'
--------------------
Pilot: 'Approach, Acme Flt 202, with you at 12,000' and 40 DME.'
Approach: 'Acme 202, cross 30 DME at and maintain 8000'.'
Pilot: 'Approach, 202's unable that descent rate.'
Approach: 'What's the matter 202? Don't you have speed brakes?'
Pilot: 'Yup. But they're for my mistakes. Not yours.'
-----------------------------
Tower: 'American...and for your information, you were slightly to the left of the centerline on that approach.'
American: 'That's correct; and my First Officer was slightly to the right of it.'
-----------------------
Controller: 'USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.60. (pause)
Controller: 'USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.60!' (pause)
Controller: 'USA353 you're just like my wife you never listen!'
Pilot: 'Center, this is USA553, maybe if you called her by the right name you'd get a better response!'
-----------------------
BB: 'Barnburner 123, Request 8300 feet.'
Bay Approach: 'Barnburner 123, say reason for requested altitude.'
BB: 'Because the last 2 time s I've been at 8500, I've nearly been run over by some bozo at 8500 feet going the wrong way!'
Bay Approach: 'That's a good reason. 8300 approved.'
------------------------------------
Controller: 'FAR1234 confirm your type of aircraft. Are you an Airbus 330 or 340?'
Pilot: 'A340 of course!'
Controller: 'Then would you mind switching on the two other engines and give me 1000 feet climb per minute, please?'
---------------------------
Tower: 'Cessna 123, turn right now and report your heading.'
Pilot: 'Wilco. 341, 342, 343, 344, 345...'
---------------------------------
Foreign Pilot Trainee: 'Tower, please speak slowly, I am a baby in English and lonely in the cockpit'
---- -------------------
Controller: 'CRX600, are you on course to SUL?'
Pilot: 'More or less.'
Controller: 'So proceed a little bit more towards SUL.'
----------------------------
Pilot: 'Good morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM 242 request start up and push back, please.'

Tower: 'KLM 242 expect start up in two hours.'
Pilot: 'Please confirm: two hours delay?'
Tower: 'Affirmative.'
Pilot: 'In that case, cancel the good morning!'

SHE SMELLS GREAT TO ME!

Do you know that...

When a woman wears a leather dress,
A man's heart beats quicker,
And his throat gets dry,
He goes weak in the knees,
And he begins to think irrationally.

Ever wonder why?

It's because she smells like a

a new golf bag!

MISSING PERSONS ALERT

To all the fur-beings who are lost,
Or homeless,
Or living as strays,
may they find a good meal to eat.
May they have shelter to keep them warm.
May they have comfort.
May they be shown kindness by strangers.
And may they return home, or find good homes.
May they rest in a place in which they can thrive.
Filled with love, with warmth, with tender caring,
with good food, with true companions
for all of their days.


Smiles and Blessings,

REFLECTIONS

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD? WELL…..YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE..

MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.
I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.
SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN? UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
THIS BALDING, GREY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL .
'YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
'WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED...
HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?'
'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.. THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, BALD, WRINKLED, FAT,
GREY-HAIRED, DECREPIT,JERK ASKED:

' WHAT DID YOU TEACH? '

JOHN MCCAIN RIDES AGAIN!

Little Johnny's at it again..... A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'



* * * * * * * * * * *
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said,
'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX,ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'



* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.'Little Johnny asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ?'



* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, ' Dad , why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses,I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, ' Dad , I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom .'