Monday, February 28, 2011

CHARITY BEGINS WHERE?

Someone please tell me what the HELL's wrong with all the people that run this country!!!!!!

We're "broke" and can't help our own Seniors, Veterans, Orphans, Homeless etc.,??????????

In the last months we have provided aid to Haiti, Chile, and Turkey.. And now Pakistan ..... Home of bin Laden. Literally, BILLIONS of DOLLARS!!!

Our retired seniors living on a 'fixed income' receive no aid nor do they get any breaks while our government and religious organizations pour Hundreds of Billions of $$$$$$'s and Tons of Food to Foreign Countries!


We have hundreds of adoptable children who are shoved aside to make room for the adoption of foreign orphans.


AMERICA: a country where we have homeless without shelter, children going to bed hungry, elderly going without 'needed' meds, and mentally ill without treatment -etc,etc.


YET......................
They have a 'Benefit' for the people of Haiti on 12 TV stations, ships and planes lining up with food, water, tents, clothes, bedding, doctors and medical supplies.

Imagine if the *GOVERNMENT* gave 'US' the same support they give to other countries. 

Sad isn't it?

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Saturday, February 26, 2011

IRS REWARD FOR EARLY FILING

The IRS has announced that they will give a free pencil sharpener to all taxpayers who pay their taxes on time this year. 
 
It can be placed on your desk as a constant reminder of the service they provide to you each year.

 


 


 

 

 

 

 

Friday, February 25, 2011

FREE HEALTH CARE!

If you can't afford a doctor, go to an airport - you'll get a free x-ray and a breast exam, and; if you mention Al Qaeda, you'll get a free colonoscopy. 
dba01f.jpg

Thursday, February 24, 2011

NATIONAL ANTHEM AT THE SUPER BOWL

Nat'l Anthem at the Super Bowl - an editorial
Our Sentiments EXACTLY ..!

“So, with all the kindness I can muster, I give this one piece of advice to the next pop star who is asked to sing the national anthem at a sporting event: save the vocal gymnastics and the physical gyrations for your concerts. Just sing this song the way you were taught to sing it in kindergarten — straight up, no styling. Sing it with the constant awareness that there are soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines watching you from bases and outposts all over the world. Don’t make them cringe with your self-centered ego gratification. Sing it as if you are standing before a row of 86-year-old WWII vets wearing their Purple Hearts, Silver Stars and flag pins on their cardigans and you want them to be proud of you for honoring them and the country they love — not because you want them to think you are a superstar musician. They could see that from the costumes, the makeup and the entourages. Sing “The Star Spangled Banner” with the courtesy and humility that tells the audience that it is about America, not you.”


author unknown

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

THE FACTS SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES

Wal-Mart versus The Morons

1. Americans spend $36,000,000 at Wal-Mart , every hour of every day.


2. This works out to $20,928 in sales every minute.


3. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick's Day (March 17th) than Target sells all year.


4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target +Sears + Costco + K-Mart combined.


5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people, is the world's largest private employer, and most speak English.


6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history
of the world.


7. Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger and Safeway combined, and keep in mind they did this in only fifteen years.


8. During this same period, 31 big supermarket chains sought bankruptcy.


9. Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world.


10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are Super Centers; this is 1,000 more than it had five years ago.


11. This year 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur at Wal-Mart stores.
(Earth's population is approximately 6.5 Billion.)


12. 90% of all Americans live within fifteen miles of a Wal-Mart.


You may think that I am complaining, but I am really laying the ground work for suggesting that MAYBE we should hire the guys who run Wal-Mart to fix the economy.


This should be read and understood by all Americans Democrats, Republicans, EVERYONE.
To President Obama and all 535 voting members of the Legislature, It is now official you are ALL
corrupt morons:

Now for the Morons:

A.. The U.S. Postal Service was established in 1775. You have had 234 years to get it right and it is broke.


B.. Social Security was established in 1935. You have had 74 years to get it right and it is broke.


C.. Fannie Mae was established in 1938. You have had 72 years to get it right and it is broke.


D.. War on Poverty started in 1964. You have had 46 years to get it right; $1 trillion of our money is confiscated each year and transferred to "the poor" and they only want more.


E... Medicare and Medicaid were established in 1965. You have had 45 years to get it right and they are broke.


F.. Freddie Mac was established in 1970. You have had 40 years to get it right and it is broke.


G.. The Department of Energy was created in 1977 to lessen our dependence on foreign oil.. It has ballooned to 16,000 employees with a budget of $24 billion a year and we import more oil than ever before. You had 33 years to get it right and it is an abysmal failure.

You have FAILED in every "government service" you have shoved down our throats while overspending our tax dollars.


AND YOU WANT AMERICANS TO BELIEVE YOU CAN BE TRUSTED WITH A GOVERNMENT- RUN HEALTH CARE
SYSTEM ??

Monday, February 21, 2011

IDAHO RANCHING

A blonde city girl named Jennifer marries an Idaho rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Jennifer, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 justabove where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?' The rancher leaves for the fields. 

After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.  Jennifer takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when Jennifer sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one right here.' 

The man, assuming he is dealing with an air head blonde, asks, 'Tell me lady, 'cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?' 

'That's simple," she said. "By the nail that's over its stall,' she explains very confidently. 

Laughing rudely at her, the man says, 'And what, pray tell, is the nail for?' 

The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, 'I guess it's to hang your pants on.'

Sunday, February 20, 2011

CONSERVATIVES, LIBERALS AND THE BIBLE

I have often wondered why the conservatives are called the “right” and the liberals are called the “left.”  By chance, I stumbled upon this verse in the Bible:

Ecclesiastes 10:2 (NIV)
“ The heart of the wise inclines to the right,
but the heart of the fool to the left .”

Hmmm, I guess that sums it up pretty well...

YOU CAN'T HAVE A BETTER REFERENCE SOURCE THAN STRAIGHT TEXT FROM THE BIBLE!

Saturday, February 19, 2011

OBAMA ON THE CHARTS

Two years ago, Barack Obama was inaugurated as President of the United States.  Are you better off today than you were two years ago? Numbers don't lie, and here is the data on the impact he has had on the lives of Americans:
 

January 2009
TODAY
% chg
Source
Avg. retail price/gallon gas in U.S.
$1.83
$3.104
69.6%
1
Crude oil, European Brent (barrel)
$43.48
$99.02
127.7%
2
Crude oil, West TX Inter. (barrel)
$38.74
$91.38
135.9%
2
Gold: London (per troy oz.)
$853.25
$1,369.50
60.5%
2
Corn, No.2 yellow, Central IL
$3.56
$6.33
78.1%
2
Soybeans, No. 1 yellow, IL
$9.66
$13.75
42.3%
2
Sugar, cane, raw, world, lb. fob
$13.37
$35.39
164.7%
2
Unemployment rate, non-farm, overall
7.6%
9.4%
23.7%
3
Unemployment rate, blacks
12.6%
15.8%
25.4%
3
Number of unemployed
11,616,000
14,485,000
24.7%
3
Number of fed. employees, ex. military (curr = 12/10 prelim)
2,779,000
2,840,000
2.2%
3
Real median household income (2008 v 2009)
$50,112
$49,777
-0.7%
4
Number of food stamp recipients (curr = 10/10)
31,983,716
43,200,878
35.1%
5
Number of unemployment benefit recipients (curr = 12/10)
7,526,598
9,193,838
22.2%
6
Number of long-term unemployed
2,600,000
6,400,000
146.2%
3
Poverty rate, individuals (2008 v 2009)
13.2%
14.3%
8.3%
4
People in poverty in U.S. (2008 v 2009)
39,800,000
43,600,000
9.5%
4
U.S. rank in Economic Freedom World Rankings
5
9
n/a
10
Present Situation Index (curr = 12/10)
29.9
23.5
-21.4%
11
Failed banks (curr = 2010 + 2011 to date)
140
164
17.1%
12
U.S. dollar versus Japanese yen exchange rate
89.76
82.03
-8.6%
2
U.S. money supply, M1, in billions (curr = 12/10 prelim)
1,575.1
1,865.7
18.4%
13
U.S. money supply, M2, in billions (curr = 12/10 prelim)
8,310.9
8,852.3
6.5%
13
National debt, in trillions
$10.627
$14.052
32.2%
14

Just take this last item:  In the last two years we have accumulated national debt at a rate more than 27 times as fast as during the entirety of our nation's history.  Over 27 times as fast!  Metaphorically, speaking, if you drive in the right lane at 65 MPH and a car rockets past you in the left lane 27 times faster . . . it would be doing 1,755 MPH!  This is a disaster!

Sources:
(1) U.S. Energy Information Administration; (2) Wall Street Journal; (3) Bureau of Labor Statistics; (4) Census Bureau; (5) USDA; (6) U.S. Dept. of Labor; (7) FHFA; (8) Standard & Poor's/Case-Shiller; (9) RealtyTrac; (10) Heritage Foundation and WSJ; (11) The Conference Board; (12) FDIC; (13) Federal Reserve; (14) U.S. Treasury

Friday, February 18, 2011

PUT ME IN CHARGE

Put me in charge of food stamps. I’d get rid of Lone Star cards; no cash for Ding Dongs or Ho Ho’s, just money for 50-pound bags of rice and beans, blocks of cheese and all the powdered milk you can haul away. If you want steak and frozen pizza, then get a job.


Put me in charge of Medicaid. The first thing I’d do is to get women Norplant birth control implants or tubal ligations. Then, we’ll test recipients for drugs, alcohol, and nicotine and document all tattoos and piercings. If you want to reproduce or use drugs, alcohol, smoke or get tats and piercings, then get a job.


Put me in charge of government housing. Ever live in a military barracks? You will maintain our property in a clean and good state of repair. Your “home” will be subject to inspections anytime and possessions will be inventoried. If you want a plasma TV or Xbox 360, then get a job and your own place.


In addition, you will either present a check stub from a job each week or you will report to a “government” job. It may be cleaning the roadways of trash, painting and repairing public housing, whatever we find for you. We will sell your 22 inch rims and low profile tires and your blasting stereo and speakers and put that money toward the “common good.”


Before you write that I’ve violated someone’s rights, realize that all of the above is voluntary. If you want our money, accept our rules.. Before you say that this would be “demeaning” and ruin their “self-esteem,” consider that it wasn’t that long ago that taking someone else’s money for doing absolutely nothing was demeaning and lowered self-esteem.


If we are expected to pay for other people’s mistakes we should at least attempt to make them learn from their bad choices. The current system rewards them for continuing to make bad choices.


Alfred W. Evans, Gatesville


In God We Trust!
"I love this country, it's the government I'm afraid of…."

Thursday, February 17, 2011

BREAKING NEWS!!!

CNN reports: Beginning in early 2011 Gas stations will start
showing PORN movies on the screens of the pumps so that
you can watch someone else get screwed the same time that
you do!!


Wednesday, February 16, 2011

HERE PIGGY, PIGGY

TEXANS CAN CONTRIBUTE A LOT TO THIS EFFORT!

Plant A Pig


Please donate to your local "Plant A Pig Foundation" today. Not tax deductible, but well worth the effort. In Spain , at Seville some local people found a way to stop the construction of another mosque in their town. They buried a pig on the site, making sure this would be known by the local press. Islamic rules forbid erecting a Mosque on "pig soiled ground". The Muslins had to cancel the project...this land had been sold to them by government officials... No protests were needed by the local people ... and it worked!! Not dummies …. the Spaniards. They found a solution !!! No protests needed!

In Texas they have an over abundance of feral pigs. They could send them all over the country and just plant them everywhere! After all…contaminated soil would surely drift and they could create new job programs by having soil testers to determine where contaminated soil existed. Of course, high on the mountain tops of the Rockies or other mountain ranges they might find some uncontaminated soil, but then…building a mosque there would pose some problems… Americans…put on your thinking caps and let’s find a solution to this problem of a spreading menace to the American way of life! If pigs are the answer, let’s do it! 

Your Committee for the Betterment of America
Let’s keep this going….send it on!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

THEY'VE FIGURED OBAMA OUT

Wall Street Journal Sizes up Obama - They've Got Him Figured Out

A "deadly" article regarding Obama, at the Wall Street Journal, which today is the most widely circulated newspaper in America .  Article from the Wall Street Journal - by Eddie Sessions:

"I have this theory about Barack Obama. I think he's led a kind of make-believe life in which money was provided and doors were opened because at some point early on somebody or some group (George Soros anybody?) took a look at this tall, good looking, half-white, half-black, young man with an exotic African/Muslim name and concluded he could be guided toward a life in politics where his facile speaking skills could even put him in the White House.

In a very real way, he has been a young man in a very big hurry. Who else do you know has written two memoirs before the age of 45? "Dreams of My Father" was published in 1995 when he was only 34 years old. The "Audacity of Hope" followed in 2006. If, indeed, he did write them himself. There are some who think that his mentor and friend, Bill Ayers, a man who calls himself a "communist with a small 'c'" was the real author.

His political skills consisted of rarely voting on anything that might be deemed controversial. He went from a legislator in the Illinois legislature to the Senator from that state because he had the good fortune of having Mayor Daley's formidable political machine at his disposal.

He was in the U.S. Senate so briefly that his bid for the presidency was either an act of astonishing self-confidence or part of some greater game plan that had been determined before he first stepped foot in the Capital. How, many must wonder, was he selected to be a 2004 keynote speaker at the Democrat convention that nominated John Kerry when virtually no one had ever even heard of him before?

He outmaneuvered Hillary Clinton in primaries. He took Iowa by storm. A charming young man, an anomaly in the state with a very small black population, he oozed "cool" in a place where agriculture was the antithesis of cool. He dazzled the locals. And he had an army of volunteers drawn to a charisma that hid any real substance.

And then he had the great good fortune of having the Republicans select one of the most inept candidates for the presidency since Bob Dole And then John McCain did something crazy. He picked Sarah Palin, an unknown female governor from the very distant state of Alaska .. It was a ticket that was reminiscent of 1984's Walter Mondale and Geraldine Ferraro and they went down to defeat.

The mainstream political media fell in love with him. It was a schoolgirl crush with febrile commentators like Chris Mathews swooning then and now over the man. The venom directed against McCain and, in particular, Palin, was extraordinary.

Now, nearly a full 2 years into his first term, all of those gilded years leading up to the White House have left him unprepared to be President. Left to his own instincts, he has a talent for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. It swiftly became a joke that he could not deliver even the briefest of statements without the ever-present Tele-Prompters.

Far worse, however, is his capacity to want to "wish away" some terrible realities, not the least of which is the Islamist intention to destroy America and enslave the West. Any student of history knows how swiftly Islam initially spread. It knocked on the doors of Europe, having gained a foothold in Spain .

The great crowds that greeted him at home or on his campaign "world tour" were no substitute for having even the slightest grasp of history and the reality of a world filled with really bad people with really bad intentions.

Oddly and perhaps even inevitably, his political experience, a cakewalk, has positioned him to destroy the Democrat Party's hold on power in Congress because in the end it was never about the Party. It was always about his communist ideology, learned at an early age from family, mentors, college professors, and extreme leftist friends and colleagues.

Obama is a man who could deliver a snap judgment about a Boston police officer who arrested an "obstreperous" Harvard professor-friend, but would warn Americans against "jumping to conclusions" about a mass murderer at Fort Hood who shouted "Allahu Akbar." The absurdity of that was lost on no one. He has since compounded this by calling the Christmas bomber "an isolated extremist" only to have to admit a day or two later that he was part of an al Qaeda plot.

He is a man who could strive to close down our detention facility at Guantanamo even though those released were known to have returned to the battlefield against America . He could even instruct his Attorney General to afford the perpetrator of 9/11 a civil trial when no one else would ever even consider such an obscenity. And he is a man who could wait three days before having anything to say about the perpetrator of yet another terrorist attack on Americans and then have to elaborate on his remarks the following day because his first statement was so lame.

The pattern repeats itself. He either blames any problem on the Bush administration or he naively seeks to wish away the truth.

Knock, knock. Anyone home? Anyone there? Barack Obama exists only as the sock puppet of his handlers, of the people who have maneuvered and manufactured this pathetic individual's life.

When anyone else would quickly and easily produce a birth certificate, this man has spent over a million dollars to deny access to his. Most other documents, the paper trail we all leave in our wake, have been sequestered from review. He has lived a make-believe life whose true facts remain hidden.

We laugh at the ventriloquist's dummy, but what do you do when the dummy is President of the United States of America


Earl Anderson

Monday, February 14, 2011

VALENTINE'S DAY REUNION

Jan, Sue and Donna haven't seen each other since High School, where they were friends.They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar.

Jan arrives first, wearing beige Versace. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio.  Sue arrives shortly afterward, in gray Chanel. After the required ritualized hugs and kisses, she joins Jan in a glass of wine.  Then Donna walks in, wearing a faded old tee-shirt, blue jeans and boots. She too shares the wine.

Jan explains that after leaving high school and graduating from Princeton in Classics, she met and married Timothy, with whom she has a beautiful daughter. Timothy is a partner in one of New York 's leading law firms. They live in a 4,000 sq ft co-op on Fifth Avenue , where Susanna, the daughter,  attends drama school. They have a second home in Phoenix .

Sue relates that she graduated from Harvard Medical School and became a surgeon. Her husband, Clive, is a leading Wall Street investment banker. They live in Southampton on Long Island, and have a second home in Naples, Florida.  

Donna explains that she left school at 17 and ran off with her boyfriend, Mike. They run a tropical bird park in Colorado and grow their own vegetables. Mike can stand five parrots, side by side, on his penis.

Halfway down the third bottle of wine and several hours later, Jan blurts out that her husband is really a cashier at Wal-Mart. They live in a small apartment in Brooklyn and have a travel trailer parked at a nearby storage facility.

Sue, chastened and encouraged by her old friend's honesty, explains that she and Clive are both nurses' aides in a retirement home. They live in Jersey City and take vacation camping trips to Alabama.

Donna says that the fifth parrot has to stand on one leg. 

Sunday, February 13, 2011

TERRORIST THREATS

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."  Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."  The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.  Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance."  The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.  

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.  

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."  

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose." 

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. 

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.  These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.  

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is
canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person

Saturday, February 12, 2011

OPEN LETTER TO EGYPTIANS

Please do not destroy the pyramids.  We will not rebuild them.

Thank you.

... The Jews

Friday, February 11, 2011

HOW OBAMACARE WORKS?

Bubba had shingles. 

Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line?  Well, here's what happened to Bubba:

Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.  Bubba said, 'Shingles.' So, she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles.' This nurse took Bubba's blood pressure, drew blood for that test, did an electrocardiogram on him, then told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait there for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude. The good doctor asked Bubba what he had?  Bubba said, 'Shingles.'

The doctor asked, 'Where do you have them?'

Bubba said, 'Outside, on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em?'

Thursday, February 10, 2011

OOPS!

If you've ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting the facts and thinking things through, you will love this!

Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.  The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.  On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.  He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"  

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?"

The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay.  Now GET OUT and don't come back."  

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"

From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

SICK, SICK, SICK

A Pakistani immigrant goes to a Doctor and says "I feel terrible".

The Doctor says "You need to pee and poop in a bucket for a week, throw in a dead fish and a rotting cabbage.
Put a towel over your head and inhale the vapours for 3 days".

The man does this and goes back to the Doctor and says "I feel wonderful!! What was wrong with me?"

"You were homesick..." 

Monday, February 7, 2011

RULES

Rules for the Non-Military

Make sure you read #13 !!!

Dear Civilians, We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation has many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military. For those of you who can't join, you can still lend a hand. Here are a few of the areas where we would like your assistance:

1. The next time you see any adults talking (or wearing a hat) during the playing of the National Anthem - kick their ass.

2. When you witness, firsthand, someone burning the American Flag in protest - kick their ass.

3. Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest amount of respect to all veterans. If you see anyone doing otherwise, quietly pull them aside and explain how these veterans fought for the very freedom they bask in every second. Enlighten them on the many sacrifices these veterans made to make this Nation great. Then hold them down while a disabled veteran kicks their ass.

4. If you were never in the military, DO NOT pretend that you were. Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDUs) or Jungle Fatigues, telling others that you used to be 'Special Forces', collecting GI Joe memorabilia, might have been okay when you were seven years old. Now, it will only make you look stupid and get your ass kicked.

5. Next time you come across an *Air Force* member, do not ask them, 'Do you fly a jet?' Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot. Such ignorance deserves an ass-kicking (children are exempt).

6. If you witness someone calling the Coast Guard 'non-military', inform them of their mistake - and kick their ass.

7. Next time Old Glory (the US flag) prances by during a parade, get on your damn feet and pay homage to her by placing your hand over your heart. Quietly thank the military member or veteran lucky enough to be carrying her - of course, failure to do either of those could earn you a severe ass-kicking.


9. 'Your mama wears combat boots' never made sense to me - stop saying it! If she did, she would most likely be a vet and therefore would kick your ass!

10. 'Flyboy' (*Air Force*),
'Jarhead' (*Marines*),
'Grunt' (*Army*),
'Squid' (*Navy*),
'Puddle Jumpers'(*Coast Guard*), etc.
are terms of endearment we use describing each other. Unless you are a service member or vet, you have not earned the right to use them. Using them could get your ass kicked.

11. Last, but not least, whether or not you become a member of the military, support our troops and their families. Every Thanksgiving and religious holiday that you enjoy with family and friends, please remember that there are literally thousands of soldiers, sailors, marines and airmen far from home wishing they could be with their families. Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they make every day. Without them, our Country would get it's ass kicked.

12. It's the Veteran, not the reporter, who has given us the freedom of the press.

It's the Veteran, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech.  It's the Veteran, not the community organizer, who gives us the freedom to demonstrate. It’s the Military who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protester to burn the flag.

AND ONE MORE:

13. If you ever see anyone singing the national anthem in Spanish - KICK THEIR ASS.  They should learn to sing it in ENGLISH!!!

ONE LAST THING:
If you got this email and don't pass it on - guess what - you deserve to get your ass kicked!


I sent this to you, not because I didn't want to get my ass kicked BUT BECAUSE I KNOW YOU WILL NOT BE OFFENDED AND ARE PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN AND WILL FORWARD THIS.
THANK YOU

WE LIVE IN THE LAND OF THE FREE, ONLY BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE!

IN GOD WE'D BETTER TRUST!!!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

BLUE PIGEON

The mayor of Phoenix was very worried about a plague of pigeons in Phoenix.   He could not remove the pigeons from the city. All of Phoenix was full of pigeon poop, the people of Phoenix could not walk on the sidewalks, or drive on the roads.  It was costing a fortune to keep the streets and sidewalks clean.

One day a man came to City Hall and offered the Mayor a proposition.  'I can rid your beautiful city of its plague of pigeons without any cost to the city. But, you must promise not to ask me any questions.  Or, you can pay me one million dollars to ask one question.'

The mayor considered the offer briefly and accepted the free proposition.

The next day the man climbed to the top of City Hall, opened his coat, and released a blue pigeon. The blue pigeon circled in the air and flew up into the bright blue Arizona sky.  All the pigeons in Phoenix saw the blue pigeon and gathered up in the air behind the blue pigeon. The Phoenix pigeons followed the blue pigeon as she flew southward out of the city.

The next day the blue pigeon returned completely alone to the man atop City Hall.  The Mayor was very impressed. He felt the man and the blue pigeon had performed a wonderful miraculous feat to rid Phoenix of the plague of pigeons.

Even though the man with the pigeon had charged nothing,the mayor presented him with a check for 1 million dollars and told the man that, indeed, he did have a question to ask and even though they had agreed to no fee and the man had rid the city of pigeons, he decided to pay the 1 million just to get to ask ONE question.

The man accepted the money and told the mayor to ask his ONE question.

Do you think the Mayor is going to ask how the blue pigeon led all the pigeons away?

Do you think the Mayor is going to ask where all the pigeons went?

Do you think he is going to ask where the man got the blue pigeon?


Nooooooo!

This will get a smile out of you!

The mayor asked:

'Do you have a blue Mexican?'

Friday, February 4, 2011

KENTUCKY DECLARES WAR ON USA

ONLY IN Kentucky !!!!!!!

President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.  

"Hello, President Obama” a heavily accented southern voice said. "This is Archie, down here at Joe's Catfish Shack, Hootin Hollar, Kentucky, and I am callin' to tell ya’ll that we are officially declaring war on ya!"

"Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news!How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from Hooters. That makes eight!"

Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have to call ya back!"  Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. “Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked.

"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry’s farm tractor."

President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. “President Obama! I am sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over sweet tea, and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed two million prisoners."

KENTUCKY CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN!!!  If you are a REAL KENTUCKIAN, you won't even need to be told to pass this on.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

SO, THAT'S WHERE IT WENT

Verne was teeing off from the men's tee.

On his downswing, he realized that his wife, Joy, was teeing up on the woman's tee directly in front of him.

Unable to stop his swing, he nailed it, and hit her directly in the temple, killing her instantly.

A few days later, Verne got a call from the coroner regarding her autopsy.

Coroner: "Verne, your wife seemed to have died from blunt force trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and hit her in the temple, is that correct?"

Verne: "Yes, sir, that's correct."

Coroner: "Well, inexplicably I found a golf ball wedged up her buttocks."

Verne: "Was it a Titleist 3?"

Coroner: "Yes, it was."

Verne: "That was my mulligan."