OBAMA wants us to cut the amount of gasoline we use.....
The best way to stop using so much gasoline is to deport 15 million illegal
immigrants!
That would be 15 million less people using our gas.
The price of gas would come down.....
Bring our troops home from Afghanistan to guard the borders....
When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the Border, hand him a
canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Afghanistan ....
Tell him if he wants to come to AMERICA then he must serve a tour in OUR
military....
Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it......
After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended
this country.....
He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal resident.....
This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a
solution for the troops in Afghanistan and the aliens trying to make a
better life for themselves. .......
If they refuse to serve, ship them to Afghanistan anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo.
Problem solved.....
Friday, September 30, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
GIDDYUP!
Cowboy rules for:
Arizona, Texas, Oklahoma, Colorado, New Mexico, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Nebraska, Idaho, and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:
1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!
A true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others and a few new friends that probably won't get it, but we're friendly so we share in hopes you can begin to understand what a real life is all about!!
Arizona, Texas, Oklahoma, Colorado, New Mexico, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Nebraska, Idaho, and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:
1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!
A true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others and a few new friends that probably won't get it, but we're friendly so we share in hopes you can begin to understand what a real life is all about!!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
OBAMANOMICS 101
When
Barack Obama was a teenager in Hawaii , he came up with an idea to make extra
money. He knew that if he could get pineapples from the Dole pineapple plant
near the North Shore of Oahu, he could easily sell them to tourists on Waikiki
Beach . He and a school mate, Kimo, shared this idea with Barack’s mentor,
Frank Marshall Davis. Frank told them they could use an old pickup truck he had
out back.
So,
Barack and Kimo drove to the Dole plant early on Monday morning and bought ripe
pineapples for one dollar each. They then drove to Waikiki Beach and sold the
pineapples off the back of the truck for one dollar each. They did this
for five days in a row.
On
Friday, after they had sold their last pineapple, Kimo looked at Barack and
said, “You know we are buying these pineapples for one dollar each and we are
selling them for one dollar each. We aren’t making any money!”
Barack
thought for a moment and replied, "We have no choice, we’ve got to get a
bigger truck!"
You
now fully understand everything there is to know about Barack Obama’s economic
plans.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
THIS JUST IN
Playboy reportedly offered Sarah Palin $4,000,000 to pose nude in an upcoming issue.
Michelle Obama was offered $50 by National Geographic.
In other news........ We all remember when KFC offered a "Hillary" Meal, consisting of 2 small breasts and 2 large thighs.
Now, KFC is offering the "Obama Cabinet Bucket". It consists of nothing but left wings and chicken shit.
Just keeping you up to date.
Michelle Obama was offered $50 by National Geographic.
In other news........ We all remember when KFC offered a "Hillary" Meal, consisting of 2 small breasts and 2 large thighs.
Now, KFC is offering the "Obama Cabinet Bucket". It consists of nothing but left wings and chicken shit.
Just keeping you up to date.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
TO YOUR GOOD HEALTH
HEALTH MESSAGE:
1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water and is fat.
3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4. A tortoise doesn't run, does nothing ..yet lives for 450 years.
AND YOU TELL ME TO EXERCISE!
1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water and is fat.
3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4. A tortoise doesn't run, does nothing ..yet lives for 450 years.
AND YOU TELL ME TO EXERCISE!
Saturday, September 24, 2011
CLASS RENUNION
Jan, Sue and Mary haven't seen each other since college. They
rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a
wine bar.
Jan arrives first, wearing beige Versace. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio.
Sue arrives shortly afterward, in gray Chanel. After the required ritualized kisses, she joins Jan in a glass of wine.
Then Mary walks in, wearing a faded old tee-shirt, blue jeans and boots. She too shares the wine.
Jan explains that after leaving high school and graduating from Princeton in Classics, she met and married Timothy, with whom she has a beautiful daughter. Timothy is a partner in one of New York 's leading law firms. They live in a 4000 sq. ft. co-op on Fifth Avenue , where Susanna, the daughter, attends drama school. They have a second home in Phoenix .
Sue relates that she graduated from Harvard Med School and Columbia U. and is now a surgeon. Her husband, Clive, is a leading Wall Street investment banker. They live in Southhampton on Long Island and have a second home in Naples , Florida .
Mary explains that she left school at 17 and ran off with her boyfriend, Jim. They run a tropical bird park in Colorado and grow their own vegetables. Jim can stand five parrots, side by side, on his penis.
Halfway down the third bottle of wine and several hours later, Jan blurts out that her husband is really a cashier at Wal-Mart. They live in a small apartment in Brooklyn and have a travel trailer parked at a nearby storage facility.
Sue, chastened and encouraged by her old friend's honesty, explains that she and Clive are both nurses' aides in a retirement home. They live in Jersey City and take vacation camping trips to Alabama .
Mary says that the fifth parrot has to stand on one leg …
Jan arrives first, wearing beige Versace. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio.
Sue arrives shortly afterward, in gray Chanel. After the required ritualized kisses, she joins Jan in a glass of wine.
Then Mary walks in, wearing a faded old tee-shirt, blue jeans and boots. She too shares the wine.
Jan explains that after leaving high school and graduating from Princeton in Classics, she met and married Timothy, with whom she has a beautiful daughter. Timothy is a partner in one of New York 's leading law firms. They live in a 4000 sq. ft. co-op on Fifth Avenue , where Susanna, the daughter, attends drama school. They have a second home in Phoenix .
Sue relates that she graduated from Harvard Med School and Columbia U. and is now a surgeon. Her husband, Clive, is a leading Wall Street investment banker. They live in Southhampton on Long Island and have a second home in Naples , Florida .
Mary explains that she left school at 17 and ran off with her boyfriend, Jim. They run a tropical bird park in Colorado and grow their own vegetables. Jim can stand five parrots, side by side, on his penis.
Halfway down the third bottle of wine and several hours later, Jan blurts out that her husband is really a cashier at Wal-Mart. They live in a small apartment in Brooklyn and have a travel trailer parked at a nearby storage facility.
Sue, chastened and encouraged by her old friend's honesty, explains that she and Clive are both nurses' aides in a retirement home. They live in Jersey City and take vacation camping trips to Alabama .
Mary says that the fifth parrot has to stand on one leg …
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