A WHOLE GROVE OF LEMONS?

The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job..


The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this: "Have you had any actual experience in
picking lemons?”


"Well, as a matter of fact, I have!”


"I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Chryslers, and I voted for Obama.”

BACON TREE

Bacon Tree

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.......

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? … Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ... every imaginable kind of cured pork.

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."

"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."

"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."

And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 meters, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,

"Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

"Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it? "

"Pepe.. ees NOT a bacon tree. Ees

Ees

Ees

Ees a HAM BUSH...."

BATS IN THE BELFRY?

Our planet is populated with plenty of bizarre and astonishing creatures. Here are three from the Bat Family . . . . . without the need for resorting to fiction. 

  Sucker-footed Bat 

Red-Winged Fruit Bat 

 

Left-Winged Ding Bat

DON'T WORRY, FOLKS!

Don't worry about my failing Presidency, folks.  Let's just get my Health Care Plan passed.  It'll be GREAT!

NEW RECRUITING POSTER

IMPORTANT TAX REMINDER

Don't forget to pay your taxes on April 15th.

21 million illegals are depending on you.

THE IMPUDENT TYRANNY OF SENATOR HARRY REID

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid of Nevada is proving once again the maxim that darkness hates the light. 

Buried in his massive amendment to the Senate version of Obamacare is Reid's anti-democratic poison pill designed to prevent any future Congress from repealing the central feature of this monstrous legislation! 

Beginning on page 1,000 of the measure, Section 3403 reads in part: "It shall not be in order in the Senate or the House of Representatives to consider any bill, resolution, amendment or conference report that would repeal or otherwise change this subsection."In other words, if President Barack Obama signs this measure into law,no future Senate or House will be able to change a single word of Section 3403, regardless whether future Americans or their representatives in Congress wish otherwise!!

Note that the subsection at issue here concerns the regulatory power of the Independent Medicare Advisory Board (IMAB) to "reduce the per capita rate of growth in Medicare spending."That is precisely the kind of open-ended grant of regulatory power that effectively establishes the IMAB as the ultimate arbiter of the cost, quality and quantity of health care to be made available to the American people. And Reid wants the decisions of this group of unelected federal bureaucrats to be untouchable for all time. 

No wonder the majority leader tossed aside assurances that senators and the public would have at least 72 hours to study the text of the final Senate version of Obamacare before the critical vote on closure. And no wonder Reid was so desperate to rush his amendment through the Senate, even scheduling the key tally on it at 1 a.m., while America slept.

True to form, Reid wanted to keep his Section 3403 poison pill secret for as long as possible, just as he negotiated his bribes for the votes of Senators Mary Landrieu of Louisiana, Ben Nelson of Nebraska and Bernie Sanders of Vermont behind closed doors. 

The final Orwellian touch in this subversion of democratic procedure is found in the ruling of the Reid-controlled Senate Parliamentarian that the anti-repeal provision is not a change in Senate rules, but rather of Senate "procedures." Why is that significant? 

Because for 200 years, changes in the Senate's standing rules have required approval by two-thirds of those voting, or 67 votes rather than the 60 Reid's amendment received.

Reid has flouted two centuries of standing Senate rules to pass a measure in the dead of night that no senator has read, and part of which can never be changed. If this is not tyranny, then what is?

PREPARING FOR AN EARTHQUAKE

EXTRACT FROM DOUG COPP'S ARTICLE ON THE: "TRIANGLE OF LIFE"

My name is Doug Copp. I am the Rescue Chief and Disaster Manager of the American Rescue Team International (ARTI), the world's most experienced rescue team. The information in this article will save lives in an earthquake.


I have crawled inside 875 collapsed buildings, worked with rescue teams from 60 countries, founded rescue teams in several countries, and I am a member of many rescue teams from many countries...


I was the United Nations expert in Disaster Mitigation for two years. I have worked at every major disaster in the world since 1985, except for simultaneous disasters.


The first building I ever crawled inside of was a school in Mexico City during the 1985 earthquake. Every child was under its desk. Every child was crushed to the thickness of their bones. They could have survived by lying down next to their desks in the aisles. It was obscene, unnecessary and I wondered why the children were not in the aisles. I didn't at the time know that the children were told to hide under something.


Simply stated, when buildings collapse, the weight of the ceilings falling upon the objects or furniture inside crushes these objects, leaving a space or void next to them. This space is what I call the "triangle of life". 

The larger the object, the stronger, the less it will compact. The less the object compacts, the larger the void, the greater the probability that the person who is using this void for safety will not be injured. The next time you watch collapsed buildings, on television, count the "triangles" you see formed. They are everywhere. It is the most common shape, you will see, in a collapsed building.

TIPS FOR EARTHQUAKE SAFETY

1) Most everyone who simply "ducks and covers" WHEN BUILDINGS COLLAPSE are crushed to death. People who get under objects, like desks or cars, are crushed.


2) Cats, dogs and babies often naturally curl up in the fetal position. You should too in an earthquake... It is a natural safety/survival instinct. You can survive in a smaller void. Get next to an object, next to a sofa, next to a large bulky object that will compress slightly but leave a void next to it.


3) Wooden buildings are the safest type of construction to be in during an earthquake. Wood is flexible and moves with the force of the earthquake. If the wooden building does collapse, large survival voids are created. Also, the wooden building has less concentrated, crushing weight. Brick buildings will break into individual bricks. Bricks will cause many injuries but less squashed bodies than concrete slabs.


4) If you are in bed during the night and an earthquake occurs, simply roll off the bed. A safe void will exist around the bed. Hotels can achieve a much greater survival rate in earthquakes, simply by posting a sign on The back of the door of every room telling occupants to lie down on the floor, next to the bottom of the bed during an earthquake.


5) If an earthquake happens and you cannot easily escape by getting out the door or window, then lie down and curl up in the fetal position next to a sofa, or large chair.


6) Most everyone who gets under a doorway when buildings collapse is killed. How? If you stand under a doorway and the doorjamb falls forward or backward you will be crushed by the ceiling above. If the door jam falls sideways you will be cut in half by the doorway. In either case, you will be killed!


7) Never go to the stairs. The stairs have a different "moment of frequency" (they swing separately from the main part of the building). The stairs and remainder of the building continuously bump into each other until structural failure of the stairs takes place. The people who get on stairs before they fail are chopped up by the stair treads - horribly mutilated. Even if the building doesn't collapse, stay away from the stairs. The stairs are a likely part of the building to be damaged. Even if the stairs are not collapsed by the earthquake, they may collapse later when overloaded by fleeing people. They should always be checked for safety, even when the rest of the building is not damaged.


8) Get Near the Outer Walls Of Buildings Or Outside Of Them If Possible - It is much better to be near the outside of the building rather than the interior. The farther inside you are from the outside perimeter of the building the greater the probability that your escape route will be blocked.


9) People inside of their vehicles are crushed when the road above falls in an earthquake and crushes their vehicles; which is exactly what happened with the slabs between the decks of the Nimitz Freeway... The victims of the San Francisco earthquake all stayed inside of their vehicles. They were all killed. They could have easily survived by getting out and sitting or lying next to their vehicles. Everyone killed would have survived if they had been able to get out of their cars and sit or lie next to them. All the crushed cars had voids 3 feet high next to them, except for the cars that had columns fall directly across them.


10) I discovered, while crawling inside of collapsed newspaper offices and other offices with a lot of paper, that paper does not compact. Large voids are found surrounding stacks of paper.
Spread the word and save someone's life... The Entire world is experiencing natural calamities so be prepared!


"We are but angels with one wing, it takes two to fly"


In 1996 we made a film, which proved my survival methodology to be correct. The Turkish Federal Government, City of Istanbul, University of Istanbul Case Productions and ARTI cooperated to film this practical, scientific test. We collapsed a school and a home with 20 mannequins inside. Ten mannequins did "duck and cover," and ten mannequins I used in my “triangle of life" survival method. After the simulated earthquake collapse we crawled through the rubble and entered the building to film and document the results. The film, in which I practiced my survival techniques under directly observable, scientific conditions, relevant to building collapse, showed there would have been zero percent survival for those doing duck and cover.


There would likely have been 100 percent survivability for people using my method of the "triangle of life." This film has been seen by millions of viewers on television in Turkey and the rest of Europe , and it was seen in the USA , Canada and Latin America on the TV program Real TV

The Indymac Slap in our Face, Guaranteed to Ruin Your Day

Watch Video

http://www.thinkbigworksmall.com/mypage/player/tbws/23088/1458579

CZARIST AMERICA

There are very few of us who know just what all the CZAR's do up in D.C..................Here are their names and job descriptions.......should be educational to ALL AMERICANS............no matter what your political agenda........if you resent this list, then get angry at the one who put these characters on the payroll. And not at the one who mailed it...... OBAMA'S "CZARS"-- Read who they are and realize what they want to do. OBAMA'S CZARS CZAR Czar Position Summary Richard Holbrooke Afghanistan Czar Ultra liberal anti gun former Gov. Of New Mexico. Pro Abortion and legal drug use. Dissolve the 2nd Amendment Ed Montgomery Auto recovery Czar Black radical anti business activist.  Affirmative Action and Job Preference for blacks.  Univ of Maryland Business School Dean teaches US business has caused world poverty.  ACORN board member.  Communist DuBois Club member.. Jeffrey Crowley AIDS Czar Radical Homosexual.. A Gay Rights activist. Believes in Gay Marriage and especially, a Special Status for homosexuals only, including complete free health care for gays. Alan Bersin Border Czar The former failed superintendent of San Diego .   Ultra Liberal friend of Hilary Clinton.   Served as Border Czar under Janet Reno - to keep borders open to illegal's without interference from US David J. Hayes California Water Czar Sr. Fellow of radical environmentalist group, "Progress Policy"..  No training or experience in water management whatsoever. Ron Bloom Car Czar Auto Union worker. Anti business & anti nuclear.  Has worked hard to force US auto makers out of business.  Sits on the Board of Chrysler which is now Auto Union owned.   How did this happen? Dennis Ross Central Region Czar Believes US policy has caused Mid East wars.  Obama apologist to the world.  Anti gun and completely pro abortion. Lynn Rosenthal Domestic Violence Czar Director of the National Network to End Domestic Violence.  Vicious anti male feminist. Supported male castration.Imagine? Gil Kerlikowske Drug Czar devoted lobbyist for every restrictive gun law proposal,  Former Chief of Police in Liberal Seattle.  Believes no American should own a  firearm.  Supports legalization of all drugs Paul Volcker E conomicCzar Head of Fed Reserve under Jimmy Carter when US economy nearly failed.  Obama  appointed head of the  Economic Recovery Advisory Board which engineered the Obama economic disaster to US economy.  Member of anti business "Progressive Policy" organization Carol Brower Energy and Environment Czar Political Radical Former head of EPA - known for anti-business activism.  Strong anti-gun ownership. Joshua DuBois Faith Based Czar Political Black activist-Degree in Black Nationalism.  Anti gun ownership lobbyist. Cameron Davis Great LakesCzar Chicago radical anti business environmentalist.  Blames George  Bush for "Poisoning the water that minorities have to drink."    No experience or training in water management.  Former ACORN Board member (what does that tell us?) Van Jones Green Jobs Czar (since resigned)  Black activist Member of American communist Party and San Francisco Communist Party  who said Geo Bush caused the 911 attack and wanted Bush investigated by the World Court for war crimes.  Black activist with strong anti-white views. Daniel Fried Guantanamo Closure Czar Human Rights activist for Foreign Terrorists.  Believes America has caused the war on terrorism. Believes terrorists have rights above and beyond Americans. Nancy-Ann DeParle. Health Czar Former head of Medicare / Medicaid.   Strong Health Care Rationing proponent.  She is married to a reporter for The New York Times. Vivek Kundra Information Czar Born in New Delhi, India.  Controls all public information, including labels and news releases.  Monitors all private Internet emails. (hello?) Todd Stern International Climate Czar Anti business former White House chief of Staff- Strong supporter of the Kyoto Accord.  Pushing hard for Cap and Trade.  Blames US business for Global warming. Anti- US business prosperity. Dennis Blair Intelligence Czar Ret Navy.  Stopped US guided missile program as "provocative".  Chair of ultra liberal "Council on Foreign Relations" which blames American organizations for regional wars. George Mitchell MideastPeace Czar Fmr. Sen from Maine Left wing radical.  Has said Israel should be split up into "2 or 3 " smaller more manageable plots".  (God forbid) A true Anti-nuclear anti-gun and pro homosexual "special rights" advocate Kenneth Feinberg Pay Czar Chief of Staff to TED KENNEDY.   Lawyer who got rich off the 911 victims payoffs. (horribly true) Cass Sunstein Regulatory Czar Liberal activist judge believes free speech needs to be limited for the "common good"..  Essentially against 1st amendment.  Rules against personal freedoms many times -like private gun ownership and right to free speech. John Holdren Science Czar Fierce ideological environmentalist, Sierra Club, Anti business activist.  Claims US business has caused world poverty.  No Science training. Earl Devaney Stimulus Accountability Czar Spent career trying to take guns away from American citizens.  Believes in Open Borders to Mexico .  Author of  statement blaming US gun stores for drug war in Mexico . J. Scott Gration Sudan Czar Native of Democratic Republic of Congo.  Believes US does little to help Third World countries.  Council of foreign relations, asking for higher US taxes to support United Nations Herb Allison TARP Czar Fannie Mae CEO responsible for the US recession by using real estate mortgages to back up the US stock market. Caused millions of  people to lose their life savings. John Brennan Terrorism Czar Anti CIA activist.  No training in diplomatic or gov. affairs.  Believes Open Borders to Mexico and a dialog with terrorists and has suggested Obama disband US military Aneesh Chopra Technology Czar No Technology training.   Worked for the Advisory Board Company, a health care think tank for hospitals. Anti doctor activist.  Supports Obama Health care Rationing and salaried doctors working exclusively for the Gov. health care plan Adolfo Carrion Jr.. Urban Affairs Czar Puerto Rican born Anti American activist and leftist group member in Latin America .  Millionaire "slum lord" of the Bronx , NY.  Owns many lavish homes and condos which he got from "sweetheart" deals with labor unions.  Wants higher taxes on middle class to pay for minority housing and health care Ashton Carter Weapons Czar Leftist.  Wants all private weapons in US destroyed.  Supports UN ban on firearms ownership in America ..  No Other "policy" Gary Samore WMD Policy Czar Former US Communist.   Wants US to destroy all WMD unilaterally as a show of good faith.  Has no other "policy". How lucky are we that these are the people who are helping President Obama in the RUNNING of our country and the White House?  ARE YOU MAD YET?  Please pass this on and EDUCATE your family, friends and neighbors!

WHERE ALL OF THE POWER STILL IS IN AMERICA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUm_OwfF_bQ&feature=player_embedded#

BEING INDIAN

Being Indian Is...


Being Indian Is......

feeding anyone and everyone who

comes to your door hungry, with whatever you have.

Being Indian Is......

knowing to duck or hide

when you see the cops from a mile away,

even when you were a kid!

Being Indian Is......

being broke all year long

because you try to make every Pow Wow,

gathering, and ceremony.

Being Indian Is......

loving frybread and soup.

Being Indian Is.....

knowing history started before 1492.

Being Indian Is......

full of acronyms that affect your world

(BIA, FBI, IHS, CDIB,etc) 

Being Indian Is......

losing your job after the grant ends. 

Being Indian is .......

getting to go to a conference

because you work for a new grant program.

Being Indian Is.......

knowing how to snag and then lie about it.

Being Indian is.......

knowing all the quick remedies to get rid of hickies.

Being Indian Is......

playing outside, unsupervised on the REZ til 3:00 am.

Being Indian is ........

either borrowing or lending money

to your NDN brothers and sisters at least once a week.

Being Indian Is......

having people ask if they can touch your hair

or take your picture

or how long have your been growing your hair...

and so on... 

Being Indian is......

to be asked constantly if you still live in tee-pees

or ride horses every where you go.

Being Indian is......

worrying about diabetes.

Being Indian is......

knowing why the REZ car

in "Smoke Signals" was funny!

Being Indian is.......

knowing why in "Smoke Signals," the line

'do you have your passports?'

is funny!

Being Indian is......

knowing how to barter or trade

for things you need and things you don't!

Being Indian is.......

having more cousins than trees have leaves.

Being Indian is......

laughing with your friends

so much your facial muscles hurt.

Being Indian is......

singing 49er songs

using a garbage can for a drum

or remembering the days.

Being Indian is......

road trips cross country, back home,

or just because!

Being Indian is......

knowing your treaty rights,

and political JURISDICTIONS!

Being Indian is.......

having the strength to move your family

at any given moment, and making it.

Being Indian is......

reading about your ancestors and relations

in an anthropologists paper.

Being Indian is......

knowing someone in Pawhuska, Anadarko,

SanCarlos, Browning, Pine Ridge or Window Rock

and hoping to make friends with a dividend Indian from California ...

Being Indian is.......

losing your job because you're different

or think your different

Being Indian is......

having a song come to you at the oddest times.

A-ho!!!

Being Indian is......

celebrating the buffalo hunt,

or the ripening of the corn, Indian days,

or the time of year!

Being Indian is.......

not a part time thing....

ALL DAY, EVERY DAY!

Being Indian Is.......PRIDE

Being Indian is.......BEAUTIFUL

Being Indian is.......FOREVER

EXPENSIVE DOLLHOUSE

ALL THE GOLD IS IN CALIFORNIA?

"Frankly, I don't know what it is about California,

but we seem to have a strange urge

to elect really obnoxious women to high office.

I'm not bragging, you understand,

but no other state, including Maine, even comes close.

When it comes to sending left-wing dingbats to Washington, we're number one.

There's no getting around the fact that the last time anyone saw the likes of

Barbara Boxer, Dianne Feinstein and Nancy Pelosi,

they were stirring a cauldron when the curtain went up on ' Macbeth '.

The three of them are like jackasses who happen to possess the gift of speech.

You don't know if you should condemn them for their stupidity or

simply marvel at their ability to form words."  

-- columnist Burt Prelutsky

FAST GUY

Fastest Indian Father:

Two young Indian boys were bragging

about how fast their Fathers are.

One stands tall and boasts;

'My Dad is so fast that He can shoot a deer with an arrow

and get to it before it drops to the ground!'

The second boy says;

'Wow that is fast', then says; 'Well my Dad works for the Tribe and he's so fast that he gets off work at five and he's home at four thirty!'

OILFIELD MATH

Working in the oilfield with others such as myself and a wealth of combined experience we understand the accuracy of the following.  Think of it this way:

A clunker that travels 12,000 miles a year at 15 mpg uses 800 gallons of gas a year.

A vehicle that travels 12,000 miles a year at 25 mpg uses 480 gallons a year.

So, the average Cash for Clunkers transaction will reduce US gasoline consumption by 320 gallons per year.

They claim 700,000 vehicles so that's 224 million gallons saved per year.


That equates to a bit over 5 million barrels of oil.  5 million barrels is about 5 hours worth of US consumption.  


More importantly, 5 million barrels of oil at $70 per barrel costs about $350 million dollars

So, the government paid $3 billion of our tax dollars to save $350 million.  

We spent $8.57 for every dollar we saved.  

I'm pretty sure they will do a great job with our health care, though.

GREAT MINDS

Great Orators of the Democrat Party, Past & Present 'One man with courage makes a majority.'  - Andrew Jackson 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.'  - Franklin D. Roosevelt 'The buck stops here.'  - Harry S. Truman 'Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.'  - John F. Kennedy And from today's Democrats... 'It depends what your definition of 'Sex' is.' - Bill Clinton 'Those rumors are false ... I believe in the sanctity of marriage.'  - John Edwards 'I invented the Internet' - Al Gore 'The next person that tells me I'm not religious, I'm going to shove my rosary beads up their ASS.' - Joe Biden ' America is -- is no longer, uh, what it -- it, uh, could be, uh, what it was once was ... uh, and I say to, uh, I don't want that future, uh, uh, for my children.' - Barack Obama 'I have campaigned in all 57 states.' - Barack Obama (Quoted 2008)   (I watched a video clip where he made that statement.) 'You don't need God anymore, you have us Democrats.'   - Nancy Pelosi (Quoted 2006) 'Paying taxes is voluntary..'  - Sen. Harry Reid 'Bill is the greatest husband and father I know. No one is more faithful, true, and honest than he.'  - Hillary Clinton (Quoted 1998) HOW LUCKY CAN WE BE TO HAVE SUCH BRILLIANT MINDS IN CHARGE OF OUR IMPERILED COUNTRY?