2009?

My fellow Americans, and as you know, our nation faces many emerging situations that may potentially have serious implications regarding the ongoing internal economic conditions and, indeed, the very security of our country. It is in my opinion, and the opinion of the leaders of the Congress, that dealing with the situation is an immediate, and I do mean immediate, requirement, even far more so than the emergency economic legislation of October last year.

We face an immediate cash crisis regarding the ability for our nation, the leader of the world, to meet our international monetary obligations as well as our need for internal social programs and the ongoing costs of government as a whole. Failure to address this issue within the next 48 hours could lead to international bankruptcy on the part of the United States and disastrous consequences throughout the entire world. This obviously is not an option.

Not only is the threat of personal security to our citizens due to crimes committed with guns severe, but we are now faced with the threat of terrorist acts against our government and its officers being committed by terrorists from within the United States using guns. And, when I say guns, I include both guns purchased and registered and owned legally and unregistered guns and other guns stolen and owned illegally.

The third threat to the United States is a worldwide threat created and caused by differing ideologies among countries. The world now has the nuclear ability, the technological capabilities, to destroy ourselves and we can no longer allow ourselves the luxury of having such widely diverse ideologies in control of so many factions and areas of the world community.

During the days following the election, the new Vice-President and I have been in many closed-door meetings with top and senior members of both houses of Congress to discuss these serious issues and to be ready to deal with them as soon as the inaugural transition took place. During these discussions, it became evident that the need to act would be imminent and that we would not have time to deal with the changes to the Constitution that must be undertaken for us to act quickly and effectively in the best interests of our country.

It was therefore decided, and both full houses of Congress have agreed and late this afternoon voted by a majority, to undertake the following actions:

First, the Congress has voted to declare a State of National Emergency.

Secondly, the Congress has voted to empower me, as your President, to undertake certain emergency actions to deal with these issues.

Third, the Congress has voted, as a result of the Declaration of National Emergency, to temporarily suspend certain provisions of the United States Constitution that have a direct bearing on my ability to deal with these situations.

Fourth, under the powers thus vested in me in this Emergency Declaration, and with the consent and agreement of the Congress, I am directing that all banks, brokerage houses, investment companies, and similar financial institutions doing business in the United States shall immediately come under full and direct control of the Government of the United States, specifically the Secretary of the Treasury until such a time as the impending financial crisis can be resolved and we have reasonable assurance that it will not return to bite us again. Accordingly, I am directing the closure of all such facilities effective immediately and over the weekend so that we can hold meetings with management officials of those organizations to discuss their new operating rules, and I anticipate that we should be able to reopen all of them on Tuesday.

Fifth, I am directing that 10% of all individual and business investments or deposits held by these financial institutions shall become the property of the United States Government in order to help us through the cash monetary situation that we face. I believe there will be some kind of a tax benefit for this, but I am unable to confirm that at this time.

Number six, the stock, futures and commodities markets will be closed both Monday and Tuesday, to prevent any wild transactions as we go through this process.

Seventh, as you know, all guns sold and purchased in the United States in recent decades have been subject to registration. Under my authority granted through this declaration, I am declaring possession or ownership of any guns for any reasons whatever to be illegal in this country unless you are a law enforcement officer or member of the military. You are directed to turn in all of your guns to your nearest law enforcement agency by February 28^th and if it is discovered that you have not turned in all of your registered guns, you will be subject to a fine of up to $5,000 and a jail term of up to one year for each gun not turned in. Furthermore, if you own non-registered guns, or guns that are not in your name, and you fail to turn them in by February 28^th and it is subsequently determined that you did not comply with this emergency directive, the fine will be doubled and the jail time will go to five years for each such weapon not turned in, in addition to any sentence that you might receive for committing a crime with such guns. The manufacture or importation of guns or ammunition or gunpowder is strictly prohibited effective today. Once this process has been completed, personal safety in this country will be vastly improved and the threat of terrorism will be greatly reduced.

Number eight, and I am nearing the end, it is the shared opinion of world leaders that the time has now come to advance ourselves as a world society of mankind, and I am empowered as your President to enter into negotiations with the major countries of the world, including Russia, China, Japan, Iran, Great Britain, Mexico, Venezuela, Canada, India, Syria, France and Spain, to begin the process for the establishment of a world government. Of course, the United States would play a prominent and leading role in those negotiations, thereby ensuring that our nation will be in a comfortable position in the new world order. And, as a result of the conclusion of these negotiations, it will no longer be necessary for the United States to have a separate Constitution.

In closing, we are grateful that our country has survived 230 years under the Constitution that was created by our forefathers and that has served us so well. Now, we look forward to new beginnings and directions that will ultimately bring all men of all nations under one rule forever.

Thank you, and good night.

CAMPAIGN STRATEGY

REDISTRIBUTION OF WEALTH?

Today on my way to lunch I passed a homeless guy with a sign that read 'Vote Obama, I need the money.'

I laughed.

Once in the restaurant my server had on a 'Obama 08' tie, again I laughed as he had given away his political
preference--just imagine the coincidence.

When the bill came I decided not to tip the server and explained to him that I was exploring the Obama redistribution of wealth concept. He stood there in disbelief while I told him that I was going to redistribute his tip to someone who I deemed more in need--the homeless guy outside. The server angrily stormed from my sight.

I went outside, gave the homeless guy $10 and told him to thank the server inside as I've decided he could use the money more. The homeless guy was grateful.

At the end of my rather unscientific redistribution experiment I realized the homeless guy was grateful for the money he did not earn, but the waiter was pretty angry that I gave away the money he did earn even though the actual recipient deserved money more.

I guess redistribution of wealth is an easier thing to swallow in concept than in practical application.

WHAT ARE WE GETTING OURSELVES IN TO?

I don't understand. If you have a country and a system of economics that has lasted well over 200 years, why do you want to tinker with it? Do you think moving from capitalism and democracy to socialism can possibly be an improvement? When you have people in positions of authority who want to silence those who speak out against abuses of power and lack of information, what does that remind you of?

AND THE BURGLAR GOT AWAY?

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'

NOT FOR VEGITERIANS

If the Indians had given the pilgrims a donkey instead of a turkey we would be having a piece of ass instead of turkey for thanksgiving.

THROUGH THE WINDOW

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside.
'That laundry is not very clean', she said. 'She doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap'

Her husband looked on, but remained silent.

Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments. About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: 'Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this?'

The husband said, 'I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.'

And so it is with life. What we see when watching others, depends on the purity of the window through which we look

CONGRATULATIONS: YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT

Not looking good for that bailout plan..... true story.

Back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in
Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it to recover the taxpayers' money.

They failed and it closed, and we taxpayers got screwed out of our money, (no play on words intended, maybe).

Now we are trusting the economy of our country to a pack of nit-wits
who couldn't make money running a whore house and selling cheap booze?

WHO IS IN CONTROL HERE?

545 PEOPLE
By Charlie Reese

Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them.
Have you ever wondered why, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits, we have deficits?

Have you ever wondered why, if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, we have inflation and high taxes?

You and I don't propose a federal budget. The president does.

You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations. The House of Representatives does.

You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does.

You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does.

You and I don't control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does.

One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one president, and nine Supreme Court justices 545 human beings out of the 300 million are directly, legally, morally, and individually responsible for the domestic problems that plague this country.

I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress. In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered, but private, central bank.

I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason. They have no legal authority. They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a president to do one cotton-picking thing. I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash. The politician has the power to accept or reject it. No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator's responsibility to determine how he votes.

Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not their fault. They cooperate in this common con regardless of party.

What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall. No normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for creating deficits. The president can only propose a budget. He cannot force the Congress to accept it.

The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes. Who is the speaker of the House? She is the leader of the majority party. She and fellow House members, not the president, can approve any budget they want. If the president vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they agree to.

It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million can not replace 545 people who stand convicted -- by present facts -- of incompetence and irresponsibility. I can't think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people. When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist.

If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it unfair.

If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red.

If the Marines are in IRAQ, it's because they want them in IRAQ.

If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it's because they want it that way.

There are no insoluble government problems.

Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power. Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like 'the economy,' 'inflation,' or 'politics' that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do.

Those 545 people and they alone, are responsible.

They and they alone, have the power.

They and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees.

We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess!

HARD OF HEARING?

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out and as she arrived at the Western Wall, there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

'Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What is your name?

'Morris Fishbien,' he replied.

'Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?'

'For about 60 years.'

'60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?'

'I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims.'

'I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. '

'I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man.'

'How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?'

'Like I'm talking to a damn wall.'

FAMOUS MEN

One day at kindergarten a teacher said to the
class of 5-year olds. " I will give 2$ to the child
who can tell me who was the most famous man
who ever lived."
An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was
St. Patrick."
The teacher smiled and said, "Sorry Sean, "that's
not correct."
Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "it
was St.Andrew. But the teacher replied, "So
sorry Angus, that's not right either."
Finally a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, "it
was Jesus Christ."
And the teacher said, "Absolutely right Sam,
come up here and take your $2."
As the teacher was giving Sam his money, she
said, "You know Sam, since you're Jewish, I
was very surprised you said Jesus Christ."
Sam replied, "Yeah, In my heart I know it is
Moses, but business is business."

BY THE NUMBERS

To: Subject: Army Times Poll on Presidential Race - Week of October 6

To All,

In case you missed this week's issue of the Army Times here are the results of the Army Times' poll of Military personnel re the election (in percent):

McCain Obama

Overall 68 23

Army 68 23

Navy 69 24

Air Force 67 24

Marines 75 18

Retirees 72 20

White Non-Hispanic 76 17

Hispanic 63 27

Black/African-American 12 79

Enlisted 67 24

Officers 70 22

GOVERNMENT CONUNDRUM, Or Something Like That

OH BOY, OBAMA, OH, BOY!

http://frontpagemagazine.com/Articles/Read.aspx?GUID=6203178D-C782-42E2-8D56-765A3D7EDCD7

MISSING WIFE

A married man left work early one Friday but instead of going home he spent the weekend partying with the boys. When he finally returned home on Sunday night his wife really got on his case. After swearing and screaming at him his wife paused and then asked him, 'How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days?' The husband couldn't believe his luck, so he looked up, smiled and said, 'That would suit me just fine!!' Monday went by, and the man didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday went by and he still didn't see her. Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

MILITARY OPERATIONS MANUAL

'If the enemy is in range, so are you.' - Infantry Journal 'It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed..' - U.S. Air Force Manual 'Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.' - General MacArthur 'You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me.' - U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt. 'Tracers work both ways.' - U.S. Army Ordnance 'Five second fuses only last three seconds.' - Infantry Journal 'Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.' 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.' - Unknown Marine Recruit 'If you see a bomb technician running, keep up with him.' - USAF Ammo Troop 'Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death , I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing.' 'You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.' - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot) 'The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.' 'If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.' 'When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have Enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.' 'Even with ammunition, the USAF is just another expensive flying club. 'What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, .... The pilot dies.' 'Never trade luck for skill.' The three most common expressions (or famous last words), in aviation are: 'Why is it doing that?' 'Where are we?' And 'Oh S...!' 'Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.' 'Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; We never left one up there!' 'Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding Or doing anything about it.' 'The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.' - Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot) 'There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.' Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970 'If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.' 'You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.' As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives; the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, 'What happened?' The pilot's reply: 'I don't know, I just got here myself!' - Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)

SOME PEOPLE HAVE JOBS

On television today, one of Obama's handlers pointed out that when Obama holds a rally 25-30,000 people show up, whereas when McCain holds a rally he only draws 10-15,000 people.

The Republican spokesman replied, 'That's because McCain's supporters are at work.'

WHY JEWISH KIDS DON'T GO TO SYNAGOGUE

On the morning of Rosh Hashanah, as the congregation was filing into the sanctuary, Rabbi Feldman noticed little Max standing in the foyer of the synagogue staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names with small American flags mounted on either side of it.

The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the rabbi walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, 'Boker tov, Max.'

'Boker tov, Rabbi Feldman,' he replied, still focused on the plaque. 'Rabbi Feldman, what is this?' he said, pointing to the plaque.

The good Rabbi tenderly put his arm around Max's shoulder and said, ' Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Max , in a voice barely audible and trembling with fear asked:

'Which service, Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur?'

NEW STOCK MARKET TERMINOLOGY

CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance,the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as themarket keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use

UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE PROPOSAL

When a representative panel of doctors was asked to evaluate the proposed

Universal Health Care program, they had this to say:

The Allergists voted to scratch it, and the Dermatologists advised against
making rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling, but the Neurologists thought the
government had a lot of nerve; the Obstetricians felt they were laboring
under a misconception.

The Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted; the Pathologists
yelled, 'Over my dead body!', and the Pediatricians said, 'Grow up!'

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness; the Radiologists could
see right through it, and the Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the
whole thing.

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic
Surgeons said, 'This puts a new face on the matter.'

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt it
wouldn't hold water; the Anesthesiologists thought the idea was a gas.

The Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no. In the end, the
Proctologists left the decision up to some asshole.

Sears

Two redneck men were looking at a Sears
catalog and admiring the models.
One says to the other, "Have you
seen the beautiful gals in this catalog?"

The second one replies,
"Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!"
The first one says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren't very expensive. At
this price, I'm buying one."

The second redneck smiles and
pats him on the back. "Good idea!

Order one and if she's as beautiful as
she is in the catalog, I will get one too."

Three weeks later, the
redneck asks his friend,

"Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from
the Sears catalog?"
The second man replies,

"No, but it shouldn't be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"

OBAMA VS HITLER?

You remember how Hitler was able to mesmerize not only the German people, but also European leaders with his oratory. As a matter of fact, the senior Kennedy was almost considered a traitor to the US with his sympathy toward the Nazis. Today, the majority in this country is undergoing the same experience. Obama's display of poor judgment in associations is being ignored. His tenure as a junior senator has no credibility. He has spent two thirds of his time in the position campaigning for the presidency. As Barbara Walters had said Obama is sexy. I really do not care anymore. At this point, I am convinced Obama will win. Our current leaders have brought us a financial debacle. Our next president will bring this country unheard of disaster. We deserve it!!!

(San Jose, CA)

BAIL OUT?

Looks like all it took to get those principled House Republicans on board with the bailout was some extra pork.

There will probably be a few left who still vote it down. But will they vote it down because it's a massive government takeover of our financial system, or because there wasn't any pork in it for them?

THANKS TO CONGRESS, WE'RE ALL JUST FINE NOW

IMPORTANT STOCK INFORMATION - October 2, 2008

Normally I avoid discussing any advice regarding buying or selling of stocks, but I felt this is important enough to share and warn you since this explosive situation might prove to be yet another ENRON. Please review any holdings you might have in the following stocks: American Can, Interstate Water, National Gas Company, Northern Tissue Company. Due to uncertain market conditions, I advise you to sit tight on your American Can, hold your Water, and let go of your Gas. You may be interested to know that Northern Tissue touched a new bottom today, and millions were wiped clean. It's a tough market out there. Be careful!

LOST IN SPACE?

A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is hopelessly lost. She lowers her altitude and spots a man fishing from a boat below.

She shouts to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consults his portable GPS and replies, "You're in a hot air balloon, and let's see, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."

She rolls her eyes and in her best Tallulah Bankhead voice says, "You have got to be a Republican!"

"Well, ma'am, I am," replies the fisherman, "but how did you know?"

"Well," answers the balloonist, "everything you've told me may be technically correct, but I have absolutely no idea what to do with your information. And, I'm still lost. Frankly, you're no help to me. at all."

The man smiles and responds, " And you madam, you must be a Democrat!"

"I am," replies the lost woman. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the fisherman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise to someone that you have no idea how to keep. Having accomplished all that, you now expect me to solve your problem." The fisherman chuckled. "You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, and yet, somehow, it's now my fault."

A TEACHER SPEAKS

Letter by a Florida teacher............... A teacher speaks

This is a subject close to my heart. Do you know that we have adult

students at the school where I teach who are not US citizens and who

get the PELL grant, which is a federal grant (no pay back required)

plus other federal grants to go to school?

One student from the Dominican Republic told me that she didn't want

me to find a job for her after she finished my program, because she

was getting housing from our housing department and she was getting

PELL grant which paid for her total tuition and books, plus money left

over.

She was looking into WAIT which gives students a CREDIT CARD for gas

to come to school, and into CARIBE which is a special program (check

it out - I did) for immigrants and it pays for child care and all

sorts of needs while they go to school or training. The one student I

just mentioned told me she was not going to be a US Citizen because

she plans to return to the Dominican Republic someday and that she

"loves HER country."

I asked her if she felt guilty taking what the US is giving her and

then not even bothering to become a citizen and she told me that it

doesn't bother her, because that is what the money is there for!

I asked the CARIBE administration about their program and if you ARE

a US Citizen, you don't qualify for their program. And all the while,

I am working a full day, my son-in-law works more than 60 hours a

week, and everyone in my family works and pays for our education.

Something is wrong here. I am sorry but after hearing they want to

sing the National Anthem in Spanish - enough is enough.

Nowhere did they sing it in Italian, Polish, Irish (Celtic), German

or any other language because of immigration. It was written by

Francis Scott Key and should be sung word for word the way it was

written. The news broadcasts even gave the translation -- not even

close.Sorry if this offends anyone but this is MY COUNTRY

IF IT IS YOUR COUNTRY SPEAK UP -- please pass this along.

I am not against immigration -- just come through like everyone else.

Get a sponsor; have a place to lay your head; have a job; pay your

taxes, live by the rules AND LEARN THE LANGUAGE as all other

immigrants have in the past -- and GOD BLESS AMERICA!